Shy, Scared, and Weak. I'm the Alpha's Mate.

Night Talks

Jillian's POV

I have to give kudos to Gladys, she was trying to do everything in her power to make me feel better. Sadly none of her attempts really made me feel anything but more upset. I hated to admit it, but I need my mate to make me feel happy or worth it again. But the more I thought about him the harder I cried, and soon it was near impossible to keep quiet. He couldn't hear me, he would just think I'm weaker then I already am. I bit my pillow to keep from screaming. He was right next to me and seemed not to even care.

My shoulders quivered and my hands shook when I tried to wipe away the tears. It made me think that being with him was a mistake. Couldn't he notice?

But I thought you didn't want him to, Gladys said cautiously.

Who are you to tell me what I want? I snapped at Gladys, even my own wolf was against me.

Aren't you against yourself?

This made it impossible for me to be silent any longer. I spat out the pillow and sobbed a big ugly fat cry. It was fitting to the person attached to it. I continued to cry out loud, I was ashamed of myself for not being strong enough to power through it, I wasn't ashamed of myself anymore...I hated myself. I hated my weakness, and my shyness and my awkwardness, I hated that I wasn't the right mate for Damien, and I hated myself for thinking that way at the same time.

I felt my mate sit up in bed. The white light turned off and I heard his phone be set down on the nightstand, and I felt the heat of his hand on my back when he pulled me up into his lap. He didn't say anything, he just rubbed my hair and my back, he kissed my head and let me cry.

I bawled into his naked chest, right next to the tattoo of the chained heart, it reminded me that everyone had demons, even Damien. But he never broke down crying like I did.

I began weeping harder than before.

Damien was still running his hands comfortingly over my body when he lead my head to the spot on his neck where I had marked him. I clutched him tightly until my loud sobs became hiccups.

"You heard them didn't you?" His voice was deep and sorrowful, he must not be reacting well to his mate going boarder-line hysterical in front of him.

All I could do was nod and hold him tighter. I was all out of tears, but I felt the urge to break the dam again. "Oh, baby", Damien murmured, he kissed my temple over and over again,"Please don't believe a word they say. They are just jealous"

"Y-yo-you can r-re-reject me i-if you want" I pried myself up from his grip and wiped my face. Damien's jaw dropped "Why on earth would you suggest that?" he was almost growling.

"I just....you deserve....you deserve better for your pack, they even think so" I swallowed, "You could mate to Chloe-"

Damien did growl this time, deep and loud and aggressive, "I'd rather kill myself." His hands were fists, "She's everything that your not. She's selfish and rude and she would be the worst leader of this pack, she would ruin us." Both Damien's hands went to my face and he wiped away more tears that leaked out somehow, "Even in wanting to be rejected you aren't thinking of yourself, you insist that I deserve better, when its actually you who does. I love your selflessness and the fact tat you are gentle, unlike so many of the wolves in this pack who live to kill and see others suffer. I love how you are, and the people who hate you for it, I swear they will be punished"

I took Damien's hands in mine, "What good are all the words you say when I don't believe them myself? You can't reverse nearly eighteen years of hate with a few sweet words in a matter of weeks."