Love Is Pain

Falling In Love Was The Biggest Mistake I Ever Made

Josh was standing in my room, looking at the pictures of me and Ryan. Some even had my younger brothers in them.

"Why don't you have any pictures of your parents?" he whispered.

"Because I don't," I said coldly.

"Look Arrow, I need to explain to you what really happened," he begged.

"I don't care what you do Josh. It's your life. But next time find someone else to make a fool of," I sneered and picked up my book that I was reading.

I sat on my bed and started to read, thinking that he was going to just leave. My book suddenly went missing from my hands.

"I know what you were coming to tell me that night," he said huskily.

"I d-don't kn-know what you m-mean," I stuttered.

I hated the fact that he had that effect on me still. I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Sure you do. About how you had known the whole time that we were really soulmates and that you just didn't want to look like a fool because underneath your tough skin you're actually a very shy girl," he smirked.

I inched closer to him so that our lips were only an inch apart.

"Oh really? Well the only thing protecting that shy girl that used to always get hurt is this bitchy exterior. And I like it," I breathed across his lips.

He was about to close the space between us when I pulled away.

"Did you really think that I would let you kiss me? After making me look like a fool? After playing around with me the way you did?" I questioned, completely serious.

"I didn't play around with you! If you would stop being so self-centered for a moment and let me explain then you might understand!" he cried in frustration.

"I'm self-centered? I'm not the one playing different girls all the time because I need some entertainment!" I shot back.

The door opened but neither of us paid any attention.

"That's not what happened! I didn't do anything with her since I met you!" he snapped.

"Oh so now you're all high and mighty because of me? Well, I'm sorry I messed up your good time!" I screamed, jumping to my feet to stand toe to toe with him.

"You're the best thing that's ever come into my life! Why can't you stop being stubborn for two seconds and realize that?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry, does me actually being able to stand up for myself hurt your ego?" I sneered.

"No, it's one of the things I like best about you! I love you!" he snapped.

"Words are only words! It's your actions that make everything meaningful. I could stand here and tell you that I love you too but it wouldn't mean anything unless I proved it!" I yelled.

"You have to give them a chance first! You can't just keep your walls up and expect them to make you fall in love with them!" he cried.

"Maybe I keep my walls up because I'm waiting for the guy to come along who's smart enough to climb over them!" I yelled back.

"I have been trying and you keep shooting me down!" he screamed.

"Why can't you just leave me alone? Isn't it obvious that I hate you?" I demanded.

"Hate is merely an emotion so strong that it's stemmed from passion," he smirked.

"Go away!" I snapped, trying to push him out the door that the entire pack was watching from.

"No, I don't think I will," he chuckled.

"You know what? I was really stupid before!" I hissed.

"You don't say? And why would that be?" he asked, trying to become serious.

"Because I let myself fall for an egotistical, arrogant, pompous, self-centered, jerk of a player who only gives a damn about his refelction!" I screamed.

"So... You really did fall in love with me?" he gasped.

"Yeah, I did. And it was probably the biggest mistake I ever made," I sighed, pushing past everyone to go for a walk.

I needed to clear my mind. I had been so happy before all of this drama had started. I had actually been rebuilding my screwed up life.

Why can't I just be happy? Why does something always have to come along and take that from me?

I thought bitterly as I sat on the edge of the fountain that was in the garden I was in.

~flashback~

"Why can't I just get it? Can't I just win one time?" my seven year-old self asked my mother.

She chuckled happily.

"No hunny. Nothing in life is ever just given. If you know that you want something then you have to fight for it," she smiled.

"But I'm not big and strong. I won't win," I pouted.

"Sure you will. You're a smart girl," she promised.

"But what if I get hurted? Like today?" I asked, pointing to my bruised leg.

"Then you take all the pain and you focus on what you want. And then you use that pain to make you want it more. And if it's something that you can't live without... Well, you'll get it in the end," she swore.

"But I didn't win the soccer game. I got hurt and came home," I said, starting to cry.

"You can always come home baby. But sometimes you have to let go of everything that's behind you and run full force towards what you're after," she said.

"I don't know what you mean mommy," I pouted some more.

"One of these days you will sweetie," she smiled and kissed my forehead.

~end flashback~