The Crown (Prince Harry fanfic #5)

Chapter Fifteen

June was the technical ninth month, where the baby was supposed to be born. However, there hadn't been anymore Braxton-Hicks contractions, and the belly bump managed to keep growing. At least the baby was healthy, and could've been in there for longer. The baby constantly kicked now, never actually calming down. The ninth month was the worst, because Lucy just waited around. The summer heat had rolled in, when Lucy was just hot all the time anyway. Now with Harry home all the time with imminent arrival of the baby, they constantly were on each other. Harry tried not to annoy Lucy too much and Lucy tried not to need Harry as much. Harry never seemed bothered.

Lucy sat down in the living room. The sunshine rolled through the windows. She read aloud to the baby. Her words filled the air, starting early with Harry Potter. She had managed to get through the first three books already. If she read faster, she might have actually reached book five.

"Harry Potter?" Harry asked, standing in the doorway.

"Shall I read Brave New World or Animal Farm?" she asked. "Perhaps, something peaceful, like Malala Yousafzai or Martin Luther King Jr.? Oh, I do like Louise O'Neill, perhaps her?"

Harry smiled at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Getting antsy are we, Prince Charming?"

"Excited is more like it." Harry sat down across from her. "And you can't blame me for feeling this way. Our baby boy will be here soon." He liked to say boy, not like most fathers did. Harry didn't care if the boy wanted to play sports or did the boyish things, but he liked to know what came next.

"He seems rather comfortable in there," she commented. "I expect it to be some time."

Harry smiled, and Lucy tried to smile back at him but it faltered. Of course he noticed immediately. How was he supposed to ignore it? "Luce, what is it? You've seen... jumpy as of late." Harry paused. "Really ever since the baby shower. Did something happen?"

"Sydney was there."

"Yeah, you told me." His blue eyes stayed on her. "Did something happen? Did you two get into a fight?"

"No. It's just...." Lucy breathed deeply. "You know how something is said to you but you don't fully understand it. Or... or... I answered how I thought I should answer. I answered how I thought at the time. I knew what I knew at the time. I thought I knew everything. But then it managed to stay in my mind, and it really hasn't left me. I can't...."

Harry didn't touch her like he wanted to do. Harry didn't comfort her like he wanted to. Harry didn't give any words of comfort like he wanted to. Harry waited until his wife continued.

"We've discussed the paparazzo crisis, and it is a crisis. I was wrong," Lucy admitted. "I didn't know much about the media, and I calculated wrong. I used my own best judgement and I was wrong. I took my ideas of the past and I was wrong. The paparazzi never bothered me that much, especially when they put their cameras in my face." She looked Harry straight in the eyes. "I said give something, they'll take it and they'll be fine. And it works sometimes. It worked when it was just us. But it's not working with the kid. They'll do anything for a picture.

"I know you've been trying, Harry, for the laws and you're putting more people into place. You're getting it more difficult. That hasn't gone unnoticed to me. I see what you've been doing. Thank you." She smiled at him. "Thank you.

"But the paparazzi are everywhere, and they want everything. It was fine when it was just me. It was fine when they just wanted pictures of me, and they did absurd things. Because it was just me. I'm not that spectacular or interesting. And it was funny when they did stupid things to my pictures to make me look upset. It made me laugh.

"We can agree. When it's just us, it doesn't bother us. Because we know about us. We know the truth of us. And it doesn't matter. You have grown up in this life. You have tough skin, Harry. Tough skin is necessary sometimes; tough skin is good." Lucy knew her own life. "But we have a child on the way, Harry."

Immediately, Harry knew where this was going. At the beginning, Lucy made good points, but Harry had no idea. As he looked in his wife's eyes now, Harry was terrified. He didn't want to interrupt her but he had so much to say. Harry had so many promises to give. But Harry had said all those promises before. He had said all those things before, to Lucy. He promised to protect her and protect their children. Sometimes words weren't enough, like now.

Harry knew this wasn't something she just thought about today. She didn't speak these words to please herself. She didn't speak these words to hear herself speak. She didn't think of these words and vomited them out. These words had been running through Lucy's mind for a month or so now. Every day and every night, these words molded into her mind.

"I promised to love you forever, and I will. But I don't know about this life, Harry. I don't know," Lucy finished.

He couldn't be angry at her. Harry knew he couldn't. That didn't stop from anger boiling inside of him. If she wanted to get out, she should've gotten out sooner, like before they decided to have a child, like before they got married, like before they moved in together, like before Harry loved her. Of course the latter wasn't possible. Harry wished not to be angry at Lucy, because he wanted her to go if she needed to go. If Lucy left, it wasn't because she wanted to do it; it was because she needed to do it.

Harry reminded himself of what Lucy said now, and she didn't say that. Lucy wasn't leaving him.

"Luce, what do you need? What can I do to help you?" Harry paused. No other words mashed into his head. "Lucy, are you leaving?"

"No."

"Do you want to leave?"

"No."

When Harry looked into Lucy's eyes, he wasn't so sure of her last answer. "Luce, I've said it before and I'll say it again. As much as it pains me, I want what's best for you and for our child. If you need to leave, leave. Do it. Save yourself. This life isn't for most people."

"I don't want to leave, Harry."

"Is this nerves then?" he asked. "What-- why did you say this now?"

"Because we promised to be open with each other. We promised to love each other. And I'm telling you how I'm feeling. And it might not be what you want to hear but you should know. You to know."

Harry nodded. "Thank you for telling me, Luce."

Lucy nodded and settled back in the chair. Silence filled the room as both of them stared sadly at the ground. Harry looked most desperate. His blue eyes glistened with water. Harry had such hopes for his life, and he always knew some of it was impossible. Lucy was supposed to be the strongest person he knew, and she was. Lucy had survived it all, but maybe this life wasn't what she needed. Maybe she needed to live out her life quietly. Either way, Harry truly wanted Lucy happy.

"Where do we go from here, Luce?" he asked.

"Gelato." Lucy moved to the edge of the seat and put her hands up. Harry helped her. They went to the kitchen together.