He doesn't want me

Chapter 40-Dates of Hearts

I looked at my watch 7:28 I blew the candles worried that they will be nothing but a pile of melted wax when he arrive I tapped my hand against the chair still standing beside it

7:49 I took off my heels since they started to hurt my feet and I felt the grains of sand under my feet between my toes I hugged myself as the bite the cold wind hit my bare arms

8:12 I resisted the urge to take a seat and instead I stared at the now cold food he'll be here I told myself in determination

I looked at my watch once again 8:36 I bit my lip and swatted a mosquito away from my arm "Hey" a voice said from behind me

My heart almost bursted with happiness "You came!" I exclaimed turning around... there he was, his hands on his pockets his black hair mused by the wind

I looked at him from his dark washed jeans, white v neck shirt, black mused hair and blue eyes just to convince myself that I'm not dreaming

"You're real..you're here"I breathed and he ran his hand up on the back of head before letting it fall back to his side he shrugged "I had nothing else better to do" he said

I smiled and pretended that what he said didn't hurt I quickly grabbed the match to light the candles he took a seat  infront of me and I enthusiastically sat at the chair

"I'm glad you came" I said smilling he merely nodded his head looking at the food he grabbed a plate of steak and I did the same

An uncomfortable blancket of silence covered us and the only sounds that can be heard was the crashing of the waves and the sound of knives and forks brushing over the plates as we ate

"So..um..how's the food?" I asked "Fine" he said without looking up from his plate

"Um...do you want some wine?" I asked and he looked at the wine that is resting at the bucket full of melted ice "Sure" he said with a shrug

I took the wine it's cool surface chilling my palm I looked at the corked wine and realized that I don't really know how to uncork it

I looked at him awkwardly "Do you..know how to...um..this?" I asked him showing him the wine in my hands he looked at me and sighed with irritation before roughly grabbing the wine in my hands

He uncorked it effortlessly and poured his glass half full and I was surprised when he poured wine into my glass too

"Thank you" I whispered and took a sip I didn't really register the taste at first and I looked up at him who was looking at everything except me

"Do you want to take a walk?" I asked and again he shrugged so I stood from my seat and noticed that I was bare footed, too embarrassed to put on the strapped heels in front of him I just let it be

He stood looking bored as ever as he walked to my side and together we walked to the beach side the waves almost touching my feet

"So....what brought you here?" I asked licking my chapped lips he took a deep breath "Jenna...she asked me to" he answered tears stung my eyes and I blinked them away forcing a smile "That's nice of her" I said he's not here because I begged him to but because Jenna asked him to

"I know..." he said looking ahead his hands on his pockets I pursed my lips "Yeah..I remember back in fourth grade when Gabe and I climbed up the tree at the back of the school we didn't know how to climb back down so she dragged the bouncer placing it under the tree and told us to jump down" I said whilst smilling

He chuckled I felt happiness bloom inside of me at the thought that I made him laugh "Me and Gabriel goes way back" I informed him 

"One time when red thongnado tried to flirt with Gabe not knowing he's gay Gabe retched all over her skirt, she was so mad that she chased us with her 6 inches stilleto" I told him shaking my head

"What did you just call her?" He asked "Red thongnado?" I said looking at him he looked at me for a second before laughing the sound rippling over my skin

"It's true though because she always wear those short skirts and twirls like a freaking ballerina flashing everyone her red thongs" I explained he bit his lip trying not to smile whilst shaking his head

"I really do appreciate you giving me this night" I said "Everyday for for more than 12 months your Jenna's and I'm just so happy that you gave me a few hours of tonight" I told him looking at my feet that was sinking through the sand

"Don't bring Jenna into this mess like that" he said and I felt a crack form in my heart I swallowed down the pain that was threatening to burst out of me instead I raised my eyes to him "I didn't mean too..." I said so that's what I am nothing but a mess

He just turned sideways so that he was facing the ocean "Beautiful isn't it?" He asked and I faced the ocean to see the full view of the horizon the sparkling ocean meeting the sky full of twinkling stars

"Very" I breathed and we were silent but this time it wasn't awkward it was... exquisite we let nature talk for a while the blow of the wind the sound of the waves the twinkle of the sky and the rustle of the leaves

We let the universe's beauty take over us, the universe that brought us together, the thread of love that the universe tied so tightly around my neck that it pulled me to him

The infinite universe that introduced me to my infinity, the person standing next to me...

I peered at him to see him now looking at me and now it was his beauty that was washhing over me the way his black long lashes framed his blue eyes...my own personal ocean whose current sweeps me off my feet

I let my eyes fall to his red full lips and I can't help but stand on my toes and lean in my lips were inches from his when he rested his hands on my arms sparks of electricity running from my arm to the very core of my heart

"Don't" he whispered and I looked at him "Just one kiss...and if you still feel nothing...I'll let you go" I said tears glassing over my eyes "Please..." I pleaded

His hands dropped from my arm and fell back to his side I closed my eyes and leaned in once again this time he didn't stopped me, he let my lips fall to his

I felt my knees weaken and felt a surge of electricity dancing on my lips as it touched his he didn't respond he didn't do anything he remained still and I quickly pulled back opening my eyes  hopefully but it instantly diminished when I noticed his eyes were open

"I'm sorry" he whispered and I felt my heart burst to million pieces the sharp edges of its fragments piercing my soul a hopeless sob came out of my mouth

"I'm sorry" he apologized once again and I turned my back at him as tears freely fell from my eyes

"I'll drive you to Raven's place" he said his voice low I sobbed again "Please leave me alone" I said my voice breaking

"I don't-" before he could finish I cut him off "Please." I said in a clearer voice I felt his presence dissapeared from behind me that's when my knees gave out

The once beautiful universe now felt mocking...sobs racked my heart and I cried it all for the ocean to feel of my tears the wind to hear my pain

I clutched my heart wanting nothing more but to rip it out of my chest so that it will stop hurting and then as if the universe either wanted to punish me more or comfort me...it started raining.