Changed

Chapter 60

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"Allahu Akbar."

Some rain starts to sprinkle on the families and on the people who are praying. The tears on my face could be confused as the rain to some, and maybe vice versa for others. I myself can't tell whether I'm crying or not. All I know is that I feel numb as I bow before Allah.

It's the second time I've met Omar's other family. I don't really know what to feel or think about them, I just want to get to know them. Especially since I have another half sister besides Abreea, which is hilariously funny to me though it shouldn't be. His wife and daughter both shed in tears and could be heard sobbing through the whole prayer. The daughter, who appeared to be five was the loudest one crying. Her high voice made me realize that this isn't some kind of dream, this is relativity.

No one will wake me up, no one will because I'm not dreaming. Omar is really dead, and we are really praying the janazah prayer. This isn't some kind of joke, but why does it feel like it.

The janazah prayer, the first time that I'm ever doing it. Never have I thought it would be for Omar, since I've thought he was already dead. I can't help but feel this feeling of isolation, numbness, loneliness, and bleakness. All these emotions consume me as I lay my head on the red prayer mat. All I can do is pray to Allah, pray for Omar to enter paradise, and pray that I won't feel this way anymore.

My face has been blank through out the whole prayer. My mother had been worried for me, and so did Abeera. But they don't realize that I've wasted all my tears already, I don't have anymore left to give out. And I don't have the strength or power to sob. It all seems pointless. If crying would solve anything than I would cry everyday, since it doesn't I don't see the point to it at all.

The dua's came in after. I lift my palms in front of my face, mumbling ameen when the sheikh says a prayer for Omar. I almost... felt like crying but I didn't.

When arriving back home, the car was dead silent. The sound of the rain tapping the windows was the only sound, besides the blinkers on the car.

Yusuf turns to the back seat, eyeing me and Abeera then turns back to Mariam.

"Yesterday was supposed to be our wedding day." Yusuf said with no expression.

I look at Mariam's awkward body language and I turn away from the two. Seriously, Omar is dead and he's gonna speak about their delayed wedding celebration? As if that should be a topic right now.

"Guess Allah had other plans." Mariam intertwines her hands with his and looks out the window. "But its okay to postpone it for more days, if your family isn't up to it than it's all right." Mariams voice sounds wary and that's when I look back at them.

"Thank you." Yusuf turns to me, catching my gaze. For a brief we just stare at one another in silence. "By the way," he finally says,"you can stay home tomorrow if you-"

"I'm not staying home." I cut him off.

The car fell even more silent, if that was possible. Yusuf shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Raising a brow ever so slightly. "What? You.. want to go to school?" Yusuf asks confusingly.

I sigh deeply. "Yes." Cause if I stay one more day inside that house I might lose it. I need a distraction, I need something or someone to distract me from this day. And school is perfect for that. Away from home, away from all these people.