Mentality

Chapter Sixty Seven: Eloise

Life is, by far, the world's worst roller coaster. It seems to have more downs than ups. One moment you have the best life, and the next it comes crashing down. Tears are shed, regretted words are exchanged, and people are hurt. Life is anything but good. Life is a horrible ride of pain, fear, and depression. It is for me, at least.

It began when I was sitting on the couch, editing a video. I was almost done, and would've finished if Pj hadn't walked in. His face was red, and his arms were crossed. As soon as he came in, I looked at him from over my laptop screen.

"Where's my wallet?" he asked, face full of fury.

I lifted an eyebrow, "I don't know, when's the last time you saw it?"

"On my dresser!" he exclaimed, "I left it there this morning, but now it's not there. Did you take it?"

I lifted both eyebrows and sneered, "No, I have my own money, why would I need yours?!"

"I don't know! My wallet went somewhere, and you're the only other one in this place!"

I set my computer to the side and stood up. My fists were braced against my hips as I glared up at him, "Maybe you moved it!"

"If I did, then I wouldn't be asking you, now would I?"

I tried to contain my anger, "You can't go around accusing people of stealing your stuff!"

"If you didn't take it, then where is it?" he demanded.

"I don't know!"

We stared at each other for a few moments. They were the worst few moments. The tension was so thick, I could barely breath. It was hot, stuffy, and I just wanted out.

"This is just like you," I mumbled.

His eyebrows shot up, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You always blame me!" I shouted, "No matter what, it's never your fault! It's always my fault!"

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's the truth?!"

I stepped forward, "You know, you're not an angel yourself!"

"Everybody has faults, Eloise!" he spat, "Some are worse than others."

He glared daggers into me when he said that. It occurred to me that he was hinting that my faults are worse than his.

"Sure says the man who lied to all his fans!"

Pj growled a bit, "I didn't lie to them, I altered the truth."

"It's the same damn thing!"

We stared at each other again. Every bit of me wanted to run, to avoid this argument. It didn't seem like a day went by that we didn't argue. It was slowly tearing me apart. I had trouble sleeping at night, and staying alert during the day. By arguing with Pj, I was slowly killing myself.

"You know what?!" he demanded, "Maybe I have faults, maybe everybody does. But none are as bad as Eloise Lester, the girl with nothing but faults!"

I could almost hear my heart break at that. I wanted to cry, the tears were threatening to fall. Instead, I balled my fists and got right up in his face.

"You're a bastard, Pj," I said in monotone.

He sneered at me, "Says the bitch."

That was it, that broke the final straw. I crossed my arms and ran into our room. I could hear him following me, but I didn't care.

"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded.

I glared at him, "I don't 'think' I'm doing anything. I know I'm going to spend the night at Phil's."

"You can't leave-"

"Watch me."

I threw a spare pair of clothes, my phone, the charger, my sketchbook, and my laptop plus the charger in a backpack. Once I flung that on my shoulder, I stomped to the door.

My hand was on the handle, but I looked back. Pj was watching me with pure hatred in his eyes. It would pass, it always did. We would apologize, and move on. The thing was, this kept happening.

"Call me when you're less of a little bitch," I told him before flinging the door open and leaving.

My anger followed me down to the street. As soon as I was halfway down the block, it vanished. I was left with pure despair. The tears that had been threatening to fall for several minutes were finally set free. They began to trace patterns down my cheek as I cried.

I had to go to Phil. He would help me, he was the only one that could. True, there was Maia, Dan, and Howl, but they couldn't help me now. I was to far gone. The only person who could help me was Phil.

I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. After three rings, it was answered.

"Hello?" answered a familiar female voice.

"Howl?" I tried to hide the fact that I was crying, "Is Phil there?"

"Yeah, he just went in the shower. What's up?"

I sniffed, trying to hide it from the microphone, "I need to talk to him. Can I come over?"

"Yeah, we're just watching Doctor Who. Dan went over to Maia's," she replied, "Is everything alright?"

"Sort of, I just really need to talk to Phil."

I could almost hear Howl frown, "Come on over."

I thanked her and hung up just as I arrived at the entrance to the underground. I took a train there. People looked at me oddly, but I didn't care. It's not like they had never seen a crying girl before.

When I arrived at Phil's flat, I knocked on the door. It was instantly opened by Howl. When she saw me, basically in tears, her smile turned to a frown.

"Oh my God, Eloise," she gaped, "What's wrong?"

I couldn't reply. It was everything I could do to keep from sobbing. Howl pulled me to her. I buried my face in her shoulder and cried a little.

"Phil!" Howl called, "Phil!"

"What?!" I heard him shout.

He appeared at the end of the hall. When he saw me, his face went slack, "Leezy, what's wrong?"

Howl released me, allowing me to go to my brother. I ran straight to him and buried my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

I felt him guide me towards the living room. I heard a door shut, telling me that Howl had gone into her room. That was good. It's not that I didn't like her, I loved her to death. But, right now, I just needed to talk to Phil.

"Eloise," Phil sternly stated, "Tell me what's wrong."

I looked up at him and choked back a sob, "Pj and I got into another fight, but this one-this one was much worse."

I told him everything. From the accusation, to the names. When I finished, he let me bury my face in his chest again. He held my shoulders as I cried.

"It'll be alright," he whispered, "Pj will apologize, and everything will be great again."

I shook my head, "That's the thing, it won't be. We keep fighting. There are times when we don't, but we always come right back to the fighting."

Phil rubbed circles on my back. The tears were beginning to slow, but the depression hadn't let up at all.

"That's what relationships are," Phil explained, "They have their ups and downs. You have to fight through the downs, and try to fix the problems that occur. That's just how it is."

"But is there always this many downs? It seems like a constant plummet into anger!"

Phil sighed, "No, there aren't usually this many fights. But, you two just moved in together. After only two months of dating, no less. It'll smooth out soon enough."

I didn't make any sign that I had heard him, but the words cemented into my brain. Maybe he was right, it would get better. I loved Pj with all my heart, and I knew he loved me just as much. It would all get better with time.

Oh the things we tell ourselves when we're sad.