Deathbound [Published Under Cloak Pop Fiction]

29. Gutter

There. He saw it. He saw us. Kissing. I can see in his eyes how his anger grew deep rooted. That look of Alec muddled my mindset. I was between two opposing poles. Susundan ko ba siya at iiwan si Levi o mananatili ako sa harap ng lalaking matagal ko nang hindi nakita at nakakausap. I have a lot to tell to Alec -a lot of explanation to give but on the other pole, I have a lot to ask. I was waiting for this moment for Levi to tell me his side of story. His deeper reasons for not being there when times were so hard to handle.

Humakbang ako paatras sa lalaki at tinangkang talikuran siya. My mind may be confused because of Levis's presence but my heart had settled for once.

Levi didn't let me just leave that easy. At the back of my mind, he really won't be easy on letting go. "We are never done Alison. You know that. Your heart knows that," he gasped for an air then continued, "You and I will always be an unfinished business."

Nag-init ang gilid ng aking mga mata. Ganito pala talaga kahirap ang maipit sa sitwasyon. Ang akala ko noo'y isang kalokohan ang pagpapahirap sa sariling piliin kung sino ang nararapat at kung sino ang para kanino sa isang relasyon. I just learned that the difference between who we love, who we settle with and who we were meant for is huge. It is bigger than anyone else. "You have let go from the very start you let me cry alone when I needed you the most."

"Iba 'yon Ali!" singhal nito. Napalapit ito at muling hinawakan ang magkabila kong balikat, "I had to make my choice! Intindihin mo naman Ali please! Ginawa ko iyon para saatin! I know you were hurt and I was not there to ease the pain but I did it dahil ayoko ng panandaliang lunas sa sakit ng nararamdaman mo. Natin! I want to finish this chaos for us to live in peace forever." Napasabunot ito sa mahabang buhok. Kulang na lang ay matanggal ang anit nito sa ulo sa sobrang gigil. He almost broke in tears. "I can't let go! I just can't let you go. How can I ever let you go when it's hard to forget? Araw-araw hindi ka nawaglit sa isip ko."

Those were the words my heart has been waiting for so long. The words I needed to hear. Mas lalo akong naguluhan dahil sa mga sinabi niya. Ang akala ko'y buo na ang nararamdaman ko para kay Alec pero mali pala ako. Pinaniwala ko pala ang sarili kong buong-buo na ang pagmamahal ko sa huli dahil sa galit ko kay Levi. Ngayon hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. Kung sino ang dapat kong piliin. Hindi pala talaga madali lalo na sa sitwasyon namin. "Levi, naguguluhan ako," ang tanging sambit ko sabay yuko upang iwasan ang mga titig niyang lalong mas nakakapagpalito saakin.

"I know it's hard Alison. Your thoughts may have been occupied by those temporary bliss you had when I was gone and you tried to forget me because you wanted the pain gone; but I'm already here," he held my face with his hands gently. I smelled the liquor he had taken earlier as his breath reached my face. "Nothing has changed. I swear, all the things I ever said are real. No one else can have the part of me you have long taken."

Napapikit ako saka sinundan ng isang malalim na buntong hininga. Silence has spoken as my words remain mute. Naramdaman ko ang pagbitiw ni Levi sa aking mukha. I suddenly felt the cold air around me as he stepped back.

"You should assess everything before you choose Ali. I understand how confuse you are but you should know that this is still me. My love never faded, it is no longer the same because I love you even more during your absence. Still you have ti make a choice. I hope it's still me" he sighed to relieve himself then continued, "and even if it isn't me. That you chose him over me, I will still be with you to keep you safe." Nakita ko ang lungkot sa mukha nito kahit na pinipilit niyang ngumiti ng bahagya. Nang tumalikod ito at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad pabalik sa function hall saka ko naramdaman ang paninikip ng dibdib ko. The farther he gets away from me, the harder for me to make an option: who's worth keeping and who's worth letting go?