I'm Screaming I love You So (Tayley)

Relive the start

 Chapter 3:

Hayley’s POV:

                It was the night before we headed out to Brazil. I was sitting all alone in my living room looking over old pictures I found while packing my bags. They were in a box in my basement and I accidently bumped my toe on the edge of it. I cursed up a storm and eventually went to see what was in this mysterious box. Upon opening the box, I immediately felt my heart skip a beat. I thought I had lost them. But to my surprise there they were. There were pictures of the boys when we first met, our first live performance, The Factory days, Josh and I when we were dating and of course, Chad. I took one out and started laughing. We were both doing a silly face while he had his arms wrapped around me. “Look babe, I found a picture of us.” I said out loud. But there was no response. Somehow for that moment, I had forgotten that we were no longer together. I was all alone.

                Feeling all these different kinds of emotions, I threw all the pictures inside the box and shoved it all the way to the back of the closet. A part of me never wants to see them again. But I can’t find the courage to throw them out either. It was in that moment that I couldn’t shake the feeling of being heart broken. I immediately pulled out my phone and began listening to sad sad songs. It wasn’t just Chad, nor the situation with the band, the blog, my bandmates feelings over this, and the fact that I might have been responsible for the band becoming a three-part. Taylor was also a big part of my heart break. For the past two weeks I have been hanging out with him more. And the fact that every time we are together, her name is brought up. I hate it. I hate the fact that love him. That’s it, I love him. And what am I supposed to do when I am so desperately in love with my best friend.

                It was like I was being spun around and around on a swing desperately trying to get off. And when I do manage to get off, everything becomes so blurry and you are trying so desperately to make your vision clear again. That was how I would describe my situation with Taylor. Loving him was wrong, but I can’t deny he might be worth it. I guessed I realized that I did have feelings for him when we were writing ‘All I Wanted.’ I remember that night so clearly.

*FLASHBACK*

 We were in his house, he had just moved in and of course all the guys and I went over to help unpack. Well I was just sitting on the couch and fixing up the small things while the guys were taking care of the heavier things. That day went by so fast. Gabby came over that day and we all went out to dinner but then she felt sick so Taylor took her home, he insisted on staying with her but she didn’t want to get him sick, so he invited us all to his house and hang. Anyways somehow, Taylor and I ended up being the only ones at his house. Everyone else went home. I think he didn’t want to be alone, and to be honest, I didn’t want to be alone either, Chad had just gone back home and I was a little blue, so I stayed with him. We got to talking about the new record and we decided to pull out the guitars to help us think of a new song. He began strumming and I felt like the song had a bit of a sad tone to it. I was sitting on the floor with my notebook in hand and a pen, I carry it everywhere, I write everything in there. It is so sacred to me.

I reached over and took the guitar from him. He showed me how to play the part he had just come up with and I couldn’t help but smile up at him. It took me a few moments to put my hands in the right place but I did it. I began strumming and that’s when I felt a small spark. He took the guitar from me and began strumming once again. He was so concentrated on his playing. It was one of the many qualities that mesmerizes me about him. His passion for music. I was staring at him but my heart was telling me to kiss him. I stared at his lips as he played. He had the habit of slightly biting his lower lip. My heart was telling me yes, but my mind was playing a small slideshow of my relationship with Chad.

“Hayles? You alright there buddy? You look lost.” He said taking me out of my thoughts. “Well it is you, you’re always lost.” He said with a chuckle. I smirked at him and threw a pillow to his face. We were both giggling but soon it died down. It became serious again. “So what do you want to write about?” He asked as I tapped the pencil on my notepad creating a drum beat. “YOU.” I said accidently out loud. “Me?” He questioned while pointing at himself. I shook my head blushing so hard, “not you weirdo, I meant Chad.” I lied. He smiled at me blushing a bit too. “Oh, ok cool. Let’s get to it.” He said pulling the notebook away and starting to write. I not only lied to him, but I lied to myself too. It was him the song is about him. But I would never admit to it. And since that day, I began to drift from Chad. I began to hang out with Taylor more, but he began to drift away from me. Then the Farros left the band, and our friendship was slowing drowning in a pool made out of my own tears.

Taylor’s POV:

                “Yes, I will call you as soon as I check myself into the hotel in Rio.” Pause. “I love you too.” I said while ending my call with Gabby. We had just boarded the plane and the flight attendant was giving me the stink eye. I turned off my phone and looked to my left to see Hayley staring out the window at something. She was concentrated. I know she was looking out the window but her mind was somewhere else. She was so busy biting her nails. She only does that when her mind is a mess. I sighed and called out her name. “What?” She said slowly sitting back and looking at me. “You alright there?” She just nodded and sighed. “Just tired.” She admitted. “You will have the whole plane ride to sleep.” I said patting my shoulder. She smiled at me and laid her head down. Soon the announcement came over the intercom and we were in the air. I looked down to see that her breathing was slow and her eyes were completely shut. “Someone was tired.” Jeremey said looking over me to catch a glimpse of a sleepy Hayley. “Yeah, she said she was, but I don’t think that’s it.” I admitted to him my concerns for her. “It’s the whole situation dude. She just feels so much pressure on her, it’s understandable.” I nodded agreeing with his comment.

Soon, Jeremey went back to playing on his phone and listening to music. I was just about to do the same when I heard a quit sniff coming from her sleeping body. I looked over at her face and indeed she was crying in her sleep. My heart sank. She was so small and delicate but yet, no one rarely saw this side of her. The only times that you do get a clear window into the mind of Hayley Williams, is when she writes. I sighed slowly putting my arm around her and pulling her a little bit closer to me. I kissed the top of her head trying to make her feel safe. I couldn’t bare seeing her cry. I pulled out a napkin that I had gotten at Starbucks and wiped each one of her tears as they fell. I was gentle while doing so. I didn’t want to wake her and most importantly I didn’t want her to know that I know that she cries in her sleep. Each time I wiped a tear away, I felt my own eyes flutter with them. “I love you little one.” I whispered into her hair hugging her a bit tighter and placing a small kiss on her head. She must have had a change of dream or something because as soon as I said those words, she smiled.