I'm Screaming I love You So (Tayley)

Something won't always be missing, you won't always feel emptier.

Chapter 17:

Hayley’s POV:

As I looked at myself in the mirror I saw someone who I didn’t recognized. I wasn’t happy I knew that but I wasn’t sad. I was just numb. I didn’t see myself as an adult but as a child that somehow lost her blankie and just wanted to go home to mama.

All these different kinds of emotions bottled up inside me which I knew where not healthy for me, but even I, a person that always has the right words to say, was mute. I sighed deciding to dress myself and hang the towel up to dry.

I walked into Taylor’s room to find it empty with a note on the dresser.

‘Went out for breakfast, BRB’ –Taylor.

In case you were wondering, I was staying over at Taylor’s. I have been staying here ever since I was released from the hospital about a week ago today.

I sat the note down and made my way down the stairs. I decided to play some music while I cleaned about the house. Not that Taylor was messy or anything but I just needed to distract myself. I haven’t really come out of the room since we got here. All I do is sleep, eat, and more sleep. I couldn’t find the courage to actually get up and keep going with my life. Luckily there was nothing schedule that I couldn’t put on a fake smile and get it over with.

As The Cure flooded into the air I found myself somewhere I haven’t found myself in a while. In a calm serenity. As I began to wash the few dishes in the sink, I found myself right where I began, in a dark tunnel that I saw no end.

Drowning in my depressive thoughts I finished up the dishes and walked over the living room. More specifically a corner that Taylor had dedicated to my bean. There he framed the picture of the ultra sound, placed a teddy bear with a yellow bow on it, and red roses that were beginning to dry out. I sighed take the vase into the kitchen replacing the water. Once that was done I placed the vase back on the table were the rest of the baby’s stuff was.

I kneeled down in front of it and just admired the bear. I took it in my arms and began to rock it like I would with a baby.

“Hayley?” I heard Taylor ask followed by the front door closing.

“In here.” I replaced the bear and walked over to the hallway where he met me with a hug.

“How you feeling?”

I pulled away shrugging my shoulders and walking into the kitchen. Taylor sat bags on the counter as I took out a mug to make myself some tea.

Another thing, I wasn’t really communicating with Taylor. It’s not that I wanted to shut him out. I just felt like a prisoner in my own thoughts and memories. I made his life a mess and it’s all my fault. I don’t want him to hate me anymore than he already does.

I wanted to go home, but I didn’t want to be alone. At this point, I don’t know what I am.

I sat at the table as Taylor handed me a plate of pancakes. I inhaled the smell of such and began to eat.

I haven’t actually eaten at a table in a while. This breakfast was a bit awkward. We both said minimal words to each other let alone look at one another. I’m not even sure how he hasn’t kicked me out yet. Though I was secretly grateful that he hasn’t.

After breakfast I threw away my thrash. I couldn’t stand the thought of Taylor secretly hating me so I did what I do best. Hide.

I was making my way up the stairs when Taylor grasped my shoulders turning me to look at him.

I looked away avoiding eye contact.

“Can you look at me?” He said as I looked up to him. I saw his red like if he was about to cry.