Private Joy.

Chp 11.

Despite sleeping like a baby the night I got home from the library. I couldn't help but dwell in the shower as I washed myself of everything I shared with him. I had now lost my virginity and it wasn't something I had expected or foresaw nor did I feel any different. If anything, I felt stupid.

Whilst the sex might have been incredibly amazing, I scolded myself for being so weak.

We literally hadn't spoken to each other for weeks and we ended up sleeping together the very moment we were alone. I didn't want to think it but I felt slightly taken advantage of but then again, I was the one screaming his name. Begging for more until the point of near-fainting. I couldn't really blame him when it takes two to tangle.

Although I racked my brain, trying to work out what our relationship was now. It was the very thing that put me into a deep sleep. However, what I woke up to was something that I could have never anticipated and it certainly didn't help the stress I was withholding.

I groggily walked downstairs but was snapped out of my daze when I noticed my mother sitting silently at the table, staring down at a cup of tea.

"Mom..?" I said, unsure of what to think. She solemnly looked up at me with an absent-minded stare. "Mom, what's going on ?" I hesitantly asked, feeling a sense of dread by her sudden demeanour.

"Your father's gone"

I stood there frozen whilst my eyes widened with panic. I could feel my heart skip a beat as a burst of anxious thoughts hit me like a truck. I waited for her to continue as I was speechless.

"He's packed up all his stuff and left..he's not happy here anymore, he said" She spoke as if it still hadn't registered. A wave a relief hit me as I thanked god he wasn't dead.
But it was short lived as feelings of anger and sadness overcame my entire soul.
He's my dad. My dad that's now gone.

Y'know, despite the fact that his own tribulations were created by himself.

I couldn't find the right words nor did I feel like I could fully comfort my now divorced and alone mother, so I did what any person would do. I hugged her. I could hear her breaking into tears and it was enough to break my heart.

I haven't seen my mother cry that many times in my life but I'm sure that anybody could tell you that it's one of the most devastating things you will ever witness, it doesn't matter how and when. It will always kill you.

"I'm so sorry" She cried, causing me to break down also. "It's ok, mom..we'll get through it, together" I croaked, forcing a smile. "Remember that song you used to sing to me when I was little ?" I added, trying to lighten the mood. That's when I began to sing..the best I could as I tried to control my pained cries.

"Smile, though your heart is aching..smile, even though it's breaking, when there are clouds..in the sky..you'll get by..."

Thankfully, she joined in with me as we serenaded each other through our tears.

"If you smile with your fear and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow..you'll find..that life.. is still worthwhile..if you just..smile"

Ever since I was a little girl, the gift of music was a source of comfort between my mother and I whenever life hit us with it's hardest trials. I used to think it was magic. How in that little moment, by singing our hearts out, no matter what we felt.

It would always strengthen our spirits.

We broke away from our warm embrace and shared a smile. It was possible after all.

"Do you want me to stay with you today ?" I suggested caringly. "No, I'll be fine..you go off to school..I know you're dying to see him" She smiled weakly. "Wait, what ?!" I responded, taken aback by her sentence. "Honey, I may be broken but I'm still a mother..I know" She nodded, hinting to something I could only wish she didn't know.

"And as soon as you're up for it, we're going to have a nice talk about a thing called protection..which I'm hoping you used" She sternly told me. I was gobsmacked by her god forbidden knowledge but more importantly, I didn't want to answer her question.

"You don't have to answer me, just go" She motioned for me to leave and that's exactly what I did. Since I didn't have dad's car, I had to walk to school which meant I had the awful pleasure of thinking about everything that happened to me in the last 24 hours.

I nearly got the fright of my life when two arms wrapped around me, holding my body directly against a certain somebody. "Hello Mary.." He whispered. "What ?" I furrowed, trying to look at him but my neck didn't contort that way.

"Well I would've called you Virgin but I kinda took that out" He joked. I gasped at his remark and punched his arm. "What ?!" He exclaimed, laughing wildly.  "Shut up" I mumbled, trying to hide my amusement.

"Aw, I'm sorry" He cooed, pulling me into a hug.

Somebody was insanely affectionate this morning. I chose not to question it as I really needed his hugs more than ever now. I couldn't hold my facade much longer as the thoughts came rushing back, therefore I started to cry softly into his chest.

"Alice..what's wrong ?" He frowned.

"My dad..he left...he just left us...my moms all alone" I said through sobs. It went silent as he rocked me back and forth. "I'm real sorry that happened.." He uttered. "You don't have to lie..I know you hated him..it's ok" I assured him.

"I know, I'm sorry that I couldn't kick his ass before he left, you alright ?" He added. "I guess so, I just feel so bad for mom..she has nobody" I replied.

"That's not true, she has you" He responded. "And who do I have ?" I muttered.

"Me" He chuckled, obviously confused by my question. "Really ?' I stared, raising my eyebrows. I didn't mean to have an attitude but it was the only way I could suss him out. "And what's your problem now, mama ? did I not satisfy you enough yesterday ?" He sassed. My cheeks reddened in embarrassment as I looked down shyly.

He will never let me live this down.

"Nah, don't get all shy now ! you're filthy cute and you know it !" He pointed out, refusing to let me hide. "Fine, but that's not what I'm talking about.." I told him.
"I just..I just want to be sure.." I continued as my hands rested on his chest.

"Listen, I am yours now and you are mine, got it ?" He reassured, enveloping my hands.

"Okay" I forced a smile, still not satisfied with his answer. He seemed to believe my front regardless as he placed his lips on mine.

Was it all worth it ?
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Alice has some doubts. It seems that I bedazzled you all with the last chapter so much that you forgot one major thing. The boy hasn't said 'I love you' yet.

Also two lyric references in one chapter. Eh, not intentional.