Private Joy.

Chp 25.

I sighed as I stared in the mirror, taking in all that was my entire self. The last few days had been particular rough since mom had told me. Y'know. I felt like I was a stuck in another realm of sorts. I suddenly felt a large amount of guilt.

And for what ? I don't know. I was holding onto the somewhat stupid notion in my head that perhaps if I had never moved, mom would never have gotten cancer.

But that's not how life works. I was continually lost within my mind for hours on end and I think the effect of zoning out was starting to bother Prince as I wasn't really present with him. We barely had enough time together as it were but he was incredibly understanding nonetheless.

I sometimes worried that Prince was just holding all his frustrations in for the sake of myself.

Nothing seemed to bother him, it was like I never ticked him off anymore. Which I should be happy about but it was slightly alarming. All couples fight, it's healthy..unless it gets abusive. I really needed to stop worrying about such things when I already have a check list full of them.

Between getting lost in hopeless oblivion and spending time with Prince, I would be on the phone for half the day talking to my mother. Neither of us knew how much time she had left and since I couldn't be with her physically, I was going to spend as much time as I could talking to her about anything and everything.

I could tell she was beginning to get more tiresome by the tone of her voice so I knew when to wrap up the conversation. I loved her but I also didn't want to make her feel more drained than she already was. My brain still hadn't fully comprehended the fact that one day in the near future, my mother wouldn't be here anymore.

I could only hope that the joined strength between Prince and I would be enough to keep me strong for god knows how long. I wish I could say that I still had a confidant in somebody who wasn't Prince but it seemed that Samantha had ghosted me within the last couple of weeks.

Every time I called her, it would just ring dead. It didn't bother me too much because I know that I didn't do anything wrong so it was her own loss in the end. I didn't have a lot of people that I could trust in general anyway. I thought living in a new area there would be no judgement, no old passed around gossip that people could hear about me.

But whenever they heard that I was dating a new up and coming artist, they treated me differently. Like an accessory of sorts. I can't imagine how Prince would deal with that in the future. People with secret intentions, people not wanting to know you for who you really are, only wanting to be "friends" for your money or social status.

The world is a funny selfish place.

I snapped back into reality as I pulled down my blouse and straightened up the collar of my denim jacket before running my fingers through my hair to get rid of any missed knots. I was getting ready to leave the house to head over to the studio by Prince's request actually.

He suggested or more so demanded that I get out of the house and join him in the studio.

I think it was because he was just concerned about my well being but I also think he secretly hoped that it would be a distraction for me so that I could hopefully get my mind off things for awhile.

It would be fun. I hope.

It certainly was the last time I came there.