Private Joy.

Chp 28.

I let out a heavy sigh as I sealed yet another box. I was currently packing up all of my possessions to send back home as Prince and I hadn't really discussed purchasing a new home in Los Angeles for when he has to go there next year. The album was yet to be mixed and Prince hoped for it to be released sometime early on in the year.

I was prepared to do whatever he wanted to do but at the same time, I was hoping that I could possibly just stay back in Minnesota with mom whilst he was working in LA. Within our last phone calls, I could tell that her health was deteriorating. It was breaking my heart and I didn't dare want to imagine how she must look physically.

It would be a bitter-sweet christmas at best. It would be my first christmas with Prince but quite possibly my last one with mom. I felt myself becoming teary-eyed at the thought. I've always tried looking on the bright side of things but things had seemed so dim lately.

Well except for that date I had with Prince. That day would forever be cherished for obvious reasons but what we did when we got home made it even more memorable. I felt fully rejuvenated in the sense that Prince and I's relationship was managing to stay resilient through out everything we had endured.

We had gone through hell and back together.

"Prince, we need more tape" I called out. Prince was supposed to be helping me, he said he was going to get something from the bedroom but he hadn't come back in awhile. I waited a few more seconds before calling his name again.

"Prince ?" I furrowed as I heard his footsteps. He walked towards me slowly with a weird look on his face and it was starting to make me a little unease. "What's up ?" I wondered with genuine concern. "We need to talk.." He stated sternly.

"Okay..." I replied, unsure of his demeanour.

We both stood there in silence as I waited for him to discuss whatever was on his mind. He was taking so long that I stopped to have a glass of water.

Then he suddenly spoke up.

"I slept with somebody"

I cocked my head sides with confusion and my initial reaction was laughter as I thought it was just some strange joke of his that I didn't get yet. But the stoic expression on his face was eerie confirmation that he was being deadly serious.

"Pardon me ?" I chuckled with disbelief.

"I cheated on you" He rephrased.

As the dreaded realisation set in, I felt like a bowling ball had just hit me the stomach. In other words, I could only imagine this is what being kicked in the balls felt like.

I began to shake my head rapidly as I refused to believe the sentences he had uttered.

I don't know what was paining me more. The fact that he said them with such little emotion, as if it wasn't affecting him whatsoever to say those words to me.

Or the fact that it was Prince.

MY Prince. My boyfriend. The love of my life. The man I had been in a relationship with for nearly a year. The person I had been living with for three months. Prince.

"You're kidding right ? this is a joke, right ?" I scoffed, almost speechless. He sighed as he shifted back and forth, cupping his face with his hands in frustration. "Listen, I'm sorry..but what do you want me to do ?" He added. That's when I dropped my glass on the floor, smashing it to pieces.

"Oh so you're serious ? you're fucking serious ?" I nodded as I felt the blood rushing to my head. He didn't say a word, he just stared at me. And If I didn't know any better, I would say that he even looked a little afraid.

But I didn't care. I couldn't care less if I looked like a lunatic right now, I could be the fucking joker if I wanted to because I had THE right to be.

"Well Prince ! you're asking QUITE the question there I mean what can you do !? I mean you've just told me that you slept with another human being but I suppose I'll just brush past that so that I can think of what YOU should do" I rambled, getting increasingly angered by the minute.

"Hm, I have a idea !
HOW ABOUT YOU CRAWL UP YOUR OWN ASS AND DIE !"

"Alice, come on..just hear me out" He urged quietly, coming closer to grab my arm. "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME !" I yelled louder. I swear my voice could've shattered the windows.

I was enraged. I was furious. There was no coming back down now.

"DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY ? YOU REALLY THINK THIS WAS NEEDED ?! DO YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SELF-CONTROL ? DID OUR RELATIONSHIP MEAN NOTHING TO YOU ?" I screamed.

"I was going through a lot, it was an accident" He excused ever so pathetically.

'AN ACCIDENT THAT WAS WORTH JEOPARDISING OUR RELATIONSHIP ?!" I hollered. "Why would you do such a thing ? why would you want to hurt me ? my mother is dying of cancer and I chose to stay here with you because I thought you loved me" I cried, beginning to get emotional.

A look of sympathy washed over his face but I couldn't fall for it. I was too hurt.

"Alice, I'm so sorry" His voice cracked slightly as he tried to console me. "Can you forgive me ?" He pleaded with desperation in his eyes. As I stared into his dark brown eyes, I really wanted to. I wished I could because then maybe I would wake up from what ever hellish nightmare this was.

But my heart had been unwillingly ripped out of my chest. For weeks, my heart had tried so hard to stay alive as it took a precious beating with all sorts of negative emotions that stemmed from life's tribulations.

It was me who had kept it all inside..for nobody else but him.

Yet, it was he who had murdered the remainder of what was left. And now, here was my fragile heart..bleeding to death on the floor as it pumped it's final heartbeat.

"No, I ca-n't...you're a totally diff-erent person to me now..I thought you wo-uld never hurt me..e-ver..and per-haps I was na-ive to think th-at..but I lo-ved you, Pr-ince..I'm sorry you did-n't lo-ve me" I wept with blubbering sorrow as I threw my towel at him.

Like a grieving widow who had the unfortunate honour of throwing the pall onto her husband's coffin.

I stormed into what used to be our old bedroom and I grabbed any essentials that I could find, stuffing them into my handbag. I was determined to get the next train out to Minnesota but mainly just to get the hell out of here. I didn't care what I left behind, I would get it back someday. I just needed to get away.

For the first time in my life, I wanted to be away from him. My silent sobs continued as I started to feel ultimately sorry for myself. For most of our relationship, it felt like a dream. A wonderful dream that I never wanted to wake up from.

But now, I wanted to wake up. I wanted this not to be real. I wanted to wake up in his arms and have him comfort me, have him soothingly convince me that this was all but just a dream. But it wasn't.

It was reality and it was the most harsh reality I had ever experienced in my life.
And the lingering denial was killing me in the worst way possible.

I rushed right past him as I paced to the door. He didn't stop me, not one bit. So I stopped in my tracks for just a second so that I could look at him once more.

I could only hope that the look on my face was enough to break his heart, just as much as he did with my own. In the past, I would never have wished to hurt anybody...especially not him. But now I did. I wanted him to feel it all.

"Goodbye Prince.." I whispered hoarsely as a lump of pain had gotten caught in my throat. And with that, I was gone from him.

Forever vanished from his dreaded existence...