Private Joy.

Chp 14.

At the crack of dawn, I grabbed the suitcase from underneath my bed and loaded it with most of my clothes. I packed any essentials that I might need also. I was planning to be away for a long time, at least a couple of days. I stared in the mirror and put my hoodie over my head. It was early in the morning and it was freaking cold.

Thus I chose comfort over fashion.

I picked up my case and slowly crept downstairs, not wanting to make a noise let alone a peep. I made my way over to the kitchen counter and picked up a pen, scribbling a quick message on the notepad.

It read:"Dear Mom, I've gone up to Lake Minnetonka to stay at the family cottage for some well needed solitude. Please leave me be and don't worry. I'll be fine, I'll call you. I love you. Sincerely Yours,  Alice."

Satisfied with my message, I tip toed out the door. Never looking back.

I walked down the street to the bus stop and waited for fifteen minutes in the freezing morning fog and soon enough, the bus arrived. I got on and quickly found a seat as I anxiously felt everyone eyeing me, including the driver. It was as if they knew.

I soon calmed down and looked out the window, getting lost in my thoughts. And after flashing past many trees and houses for what seemed like hours, I was at my destination. I got off the bus and was hit with the cold breeze once again.

I looked at my watch, it was only eight thirty. I started walking and followed the path that circled the individual areas of the lake grounds.

Thank god I had a good memory of this place or I would've never had found the cottage. It was a small but decent home to reside at. My dad had rented it when I was a little girl so as a family we would vacation at the lake once every few years. It was one of the reasons why we moved to Minnesota. I suppose it ignited a special kind of love in us all.

I had a lot of great memories of those days still stored away in my conscious. It was only until I looked out over the lake that it all came flashing back.

Happy times. Mom and Dad. Smiling. Together. Pure Bliss.

I wiped away a tear that had fallen down my cheek. I found myself getting emotional, it's a far cry of what we are now. I bent down and picked up the spare key that hid underneath the doormat. I opened the door and walked inside, closing it behind me. Everything was still the way it used to be, untouched.

It was as if the past was frozen in time.

It was somewhat comforting and endearing to my nostalgia. I collapsed on the nearby sofa, throwing my suitcase on the floor before getting the fireplace going. I then searched through the cabinets, only to find nothing. It seems the housekeepers hadn't restocked this cottage in years, it makes sense.

We haven't stayed here since nineteen seventy-one. I was only twelve after all.

I was going to have to buy some food at the market later. I walked on over to my old bedroom which was still painfully fit for a young innocent girl. A young girl with so much hope. A girl who was only afraid of the monsters under her bed and the typical occurring nightmare.

If only that little girl could see me now.

I was about to leave the room when I saw a little girl sitting on my bed, swinging her legs up and down without a care as they dangled over the edge. She stared at me intently with her delicate glossy eyes.

"Why are you so sad ?" She asked curiously. "Because I'm afraid that somebody doesn't love me" I phrased in a simplified sentence so that it would be easy for her to understand.