Private Joy.

Chp 24.

I barely slept all night as yesterday's happenings haunted me. I stayed in bed and just laid there, staring into nothingness as I waited for...nothing. I wasn't hungry nor did I feel the urge to do anything. It wasn't a healthy process but I was too lost in my dwelling to come out of it now.

My mind only snapped out of it's daze when I heard the front door bang open. "I'm home" Prince called out. I checked the clock. It was only one o'clock in the afternoon. He came home early. "You are early.." I said. "I know, but it didn't feel right leaving you alone today.." He replied, sitting beside me.

"She hasn't called yet ?" He asked, his eyes studying the side of my face intently.

"Nope" I simply answered, looking straight ahead. "I brought home some donuts" He mentioned. "I'm not hungry, but thank you" I muttered, still wanting to be polite.

"Look at me"

I turned my head but gave him a blank stare. "I tried writing poetry but nothing came out" I told him. "Of course, your heads too clouded" He pointed out.

I sighed heavily. "Come here" He instructed, patting his chest as he rested against the headboard. I did what I was told as always and laid my head down on his rising chest. He began to play with my hair, massaging my scalp whilst doing so.

It was relaxing in an almost orgasmic sense.

"You didn't do anything wrong yesterday..but you couldn't have prevented what happened either" He spoke eloquently.

My eyelids were slowly falling down and I think he noticed. "You listening ?" He questioned. I let out a small moan as a response, causing him to chuckle. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired that's all" I yawned. "It's okay..just relax, I'm here" He comforted, caressing my cheek softly. Note to self: his hands are beautiful.

"What would I do without you.." I uttered quietly.

"I don't know" He barely managed to whisper. His voice sounded slightly pained which caused me to look up at him. "Go to sleep, Alice" He smiled faintly. I must be imagining things. God knows we couldn't both be unhappy. That would cancel out all happiness.

I never really asked Prince how he had been lately. I just guessed that he had been too caught up in recording to be thinking about anything else. I'm sure he knew that he could always talk to me about anything, just like he provided with me.

It would kill me to know that he was secretly suffering behind my back.

I shrugged it off for now as I found myself falling into a deep sleep. I held on to the last bit of hope that I had left inside of me, silently praying that things would be much clearer when I woke up.
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I woke up around dinner and was surprised to Prince hovering over me with a unreadable expression on his face. I automatically felt a sense of dread. "What ?" I cut to the chase hesitantly. "Your mom called earlier" He stated.

A million questions soared through my head but I chose to ask only one.

"How did she sound ?" I wondered quietly, looking at him. "She sounded apologetic..terrible, I think you should call her" He suggested.

"Yeah..I will" I mumbled, looking down. I was lost in my thoughts once again.

"I gotta go down to the studio tonight for a few hours, will you be ok until I get back ?" He frowned worriedly. "I'll be fine" I forced a smile. He returned a weak smile before giving me a short kiss goodbye. "Have fun !" I beamed as the front door shut.

Sometimes I wish the studio was here.

I sighed, finally getting up from the bed. I took a shower and brushed my hair, wanting to feel at least somewhat content before talking to my mother on the phone.

I scrummaged through the fridge for a bite to eat and sat on the couch for awhile as I stared at the television screen, absently mind watching tonight's episodes of "Happy Days" and "Laverne & Shirley".

Then I tuned in to watch American Bandstand, I always enjoyed watching the show as it introduced me to so many of the artists I know and love today. It made me feel giddy to think about the fact that perhaps one day, Prince would perform on the show himself.

I was yet to see how he performed on a stage. He specifically told me that he wasn't going to tour this album because he wanted the listeners to judge based off sound first. It was pretty clever of him but I secretly hoped that he would tour with his second album despite what ever popularity he may or may not gain.

I could tell that he was going to be charismatic performer either way.
The man could really dance in the rare moments on which he chose to show off.

As the show ended, I turned the television set off. I had delayed it long enough.
So I walked over to the kitchen, hopped onto the counter, picked up the phone and dialled my mothers number. I anxiously waited as the rings went by.

"Hello" A fragile voice greeted. "Mom, it's me" I answered.

It went silent.

"Honey, I'm so sorry.." She immediately got choked up. "No, mom..it's fine, I overreacted ! I should've been more understanding--I could of...mom ?" I rambled as her hard sobs were brushing loudly against the receiver.

"Alice, I've been diagnosed with cancer"

Do you ever just hear a sentence that turns you completely numb. Your heart drops, your throat tightens and your stomach feels like it's about to implode. Your eyes become as wide as saucers..almost lifeless..it's like your frozen in time. Except, it's not peaceful.

It's anything but peaceful.

"I--m-om I ca-n't what ?" I started to stutter as my hands began to shake uncontrollably. "I didn't want to tell you, I wanted you to be happy" She cried, breathing harshly.

"You mean..you knew before I moved out ?.." I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

"I'm sorry, baby..please don't worry about me..I want you to live your life" She pleaded emotionally as tears were now pouring down my face.

"But you're the only mom I have..I can't lose you" I whispered, my heart stinging with pain. "You'll see me for Christmas, I'll be ok..just please be strong..for me" She uttered heartbreakingly.

"I love you, mom" I wept. "I love you too, sweetie" She murmured as we both took a brief moment to cry with one another.

I soon hung up and placed the phone back gently on the hook. I sat there, just trying to process it all. My face was a wet mess, sudden horror coursed through my veins as the realisation set in. I jumped off the counter with a thud and began to scream.

I went on a distressing rampage, destroying everything in my wake as my violent cries thundered through out the entire house. I collapsed onto the floor, practically begging on my knees as I looked up at the night sky hidden above my ceiling.

"Wh-y g-od..w-hy" I cried. I desperately wanted an answer.
Why was my life turning out this way. What did I do to deserve this.

But only silence filled the room.

Then, like a miracle. The one good thing in my life entered the room. He rushed over to my side and bent down, cradling me in his arms. "I'm so sorry" He hushed, rocking me back and forth as if I were a traumatised child. And I was.

"Never leave me, Prince...cause you are the only one that can fix me"
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Song above - 'Fix You' by Coldplay.
(I generally like to stick to the music within the 70's for aesthetic purposes but this song really fits the emotion within the chapter and I love it, it makes me cry)