Fix me

Chapter 47

Chapter 47

I get why this is happening, it's like they want me to feel what Alex felt when she was in this position. She lay on the bed with her eyes closed and her face was so pale. I know she's in pain and I can't even do anything about it.

Mr. Grey sat on the couch beside her bed, looking at his daughter. I stood beside the doorframe with my back pressed against the wall.

I couldn't even imaging she's feeling right now.

Alex has an Acute Myeloid Leukemia. It's so unrealistic that the both of us have to undergo cancer, but here it is. She has cancer. The same sickness I fought for years.

Mr. Grey turned to me. His eyes were bloodshot. I knew he cried but I never saw it. "I'll be back later," he said.

It's like I don't have the energy to speak so I just nodded my head.

He stood up and left the room but not before he gave me a pat on the back.

I took the sit he previously occupied and stared at the girl I love. How can I not notice?

Then I look back to when we were together. There were days when she's so cold and pale. There were days when she's too sick to go to school. There were days when she doesn't want to eat then vomit. There were also days when she feels like crap.

As I look back to it, I started to think if I was too selfish to care about her health or I did notice it, I just ignored it because I didn't want it to happen.

When Mr. Grey went back I stood up and let him occupy the seat. At first he was confused but I told him I have to do something, he took the seat but confusion was still in his eyes.

I walked out of the room and made my way back to a very familiar room: Dr. Smith's office.

I didn't even knock. I just went straight in his office. There I saw Dr. Smith with his head in his hands as he was reading a book.

He looked up in surprise. "What are the odds of seeing you here, Mr. Austin."

"I need your help," I said right away.

"Please do sit down," he offered.

I sat down. Without any time wasted I went straight to the point. "What's Alex's condition?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm very sorry, Zach. But I cannot release any data of a patient of mine to somebody who is not a family member of the patient."

"Please," I begged.

I realized how much I am begging for the past few days.

"I am very sor-"

"Damn it, Dr. Smith!" I slammed my hand on his desk.

Dr. Smith was startled by my action but soon he recovered. For years of him being my doctor, I know for sure that he must be used to my actions.

"Zach, calm down."

"Calm down?" I laughed humorlessly. "Imagine your wife fainting in front of you after telling you that she has cancer. Imagine watching her sleep but look so lifeless that will make you think if she's still alive. Now can you still tell me to calm down?"

"I understand, Zach. But rules are rules," he said.

"Fuck the rules! I need to know what is happening!" I shouted. Soon, I realized that if I'm asking a favor I should at least calm down a bit."Please, Dr. Smith. I need her."

Dr. Smith sighed then looked around as if someone is in the room with even though we're the only ones and the door is closed.

"This never happened."

It probably took me a millisecond to realize what he meant before I nodded my head.

"I'm assuming you know what type..." he trailed off.

The good thing about Dr. Smith being my doctor is that he understands me.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"It seems like Alex had it for years, probably the same time you had yours"

That fucking long???

"And the symptoms are only showing now. Which meant that we weren't able to..."

"Spill," I hissed when he trailed off again.

"Her cancer is in the fourth stage. And it seems like we might have to deal with Terminal cancer if this another set of chemo don't work."

I closed my eyes.

No. She can make it.

"If we dealt with thin ice with you, Zach. We're dealing with freezing water with Alex."

-*-*-*-

Alex shifted then her eyes opened. "Why am I here?" she asked as she scan the room.

"You fainted," I said.

She nodded her head then winced.

"What hurts?" I quickly asked.

"Just my back." She paused as if she was thinking of what to say. "Can you help me fix my pillow?"

I nodded my head and smiled. I stood up from my chair and helped her. I brought my hand to her back and supported her with one arm. The other hand was for fixing her pillow. When I was done I laid her back.

"Thanks."

Alex stayed silent. I thought she was asleep but her eyes told otherwise. Her eyes was opened and she was staring at the empty space.

"You had bruises," I whispered.

She turned her head and looked at me. She didn't say anything but something tells me that I should continue.

"When we were still together I noticed bruises. You were showing signs ever since. You don't eat that much at times, you're frequently sick or not feeling well. There were times when you look so pale and you looked like you lost a lot of sleep."

Alex closed her eyes but nodded her head. "I noticed those too but I ignored it."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't make a big deal out of it. There are a lot of things I have to do other than going on check ups."

Then it hit me. Alex was too busy with me.

"It's my fault," I murmured.

She shook her head. "No. It's not your fault. It's mine. I made a stupid mistake of thinking that I was fine."

"If you weren't too busy with me you would have went to get a check up," I snapped.

Her hands went straight to my face making me look at her. "It's done and it's not your fault."

I saw tears streaming down her face again so I just nodded my head even though I know I was telling her a lie.

I held her hand as I tried to let out the question that I want to ask her ever since I found out about her cancer, "how long?"

She understood what I meant with the emotion she showed. I can't identify what it is but I know she understood me.

"I don't know and I don't want to know," she muttered.

I closed my eyes and slowly nodded my head. I don't want to know too but at the same time, I want to.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Zach, please-"

"No. I'm sorry. But this time I'm not following you. Just let me love you. We don't have to be together. You don't have to love me back. All you have to do is let me love you and take care of you. Just like you did with me. All you have to do is know that I love you," I cut her off.

"You'll get hurt-"

"I'd rather get hurt with me showing my love for you, than to get hurt without me doing everything I can to show how much I love you, princess."

-*-*-*-

GUYS YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY!!! I CAN REMEMBER BEING IN #200+ in Teen fiction then #180+ then #169 then #80 THEN WHEN I CHECKED THIS MORNING IM ALREADY #69!!! even though I have perverted thoughts... THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU MADE ME SO HAPPY!! I LOVE YOU ALL!

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