Alexa. (#1)

(36)

It's been a nightmare.

Actually, nightmare is an underestimation. It's as if Noah was a pause to my disease. For 2 days, I have been vomiting non-stop and been overly been sick. I have been sitting in my room since then. I didn't eat and I haven't slept since that day. I have told mom yesterday about what happened and all she did was hold me while I cried. When she left, I felt as if I was numb. I didn't feel anything. I just sat in my bed and looked at the ceiling with the same weird thought in my mind.

Why did I do this?

He doesn't deserve this.

But if he's with me he'll feel more pain.

And without he feels pain as well.

God, why put me in this situation?

A knock on the door snaps me out of my trance. The door opens and Z comes in. When she sees me she gasps silently. She rushes towards me and sits beside me as I fake-smile at her. She pulls me in a hug as my lip starts to quiver and I start crying. Z hugs me tightly to her chest as I complete sobbing loudly.

"Calm down, it's gonna be okay." she says as she rubs my back quietly. I shake my head in her shoulder.

"No, no, it's not, Z. He hates me now. He had confessed that he loved me and I broke it off so stupidly because of my own stupidity." I say as I take sharp inhales through my nose. Z looks at me sympathetically as she pats my head.

"Well, I brought food. Let's dig in. Just, forget it, okay?" she says with a worried look in her eyes. I know I look that sick but no need to show it, Z. I nod as I lie down and she grabs my lap top opening Netflix before passing me a taco.

"The Notebook; perfect." She says with a pitiful smile. I sit up and rest my back against the headboard. Z turns on the movie and starts digging in while I look at the taco with a weird look. "Eat, Lex, your mom informed me you haven't eaten a thing in 2 days." She adds. I sigh and take a bite as the movie begins.

1 hour into the movie, someone knocks on the door and mom enters with a tray of milk and cookies on it.

"Hey, guys, I am really bored so, I'm gonna join you." she states. We both laugh as I make space for her on the bed. She puts the tray on the edge and slides beside me.

"Did you eat?" she asks with a pointed look.

"Only half a taco. Like, I ate 2." Z answers before I can say anything. Mom gives me the same pointed look before sighing and giving me and Z glass of milk each before placing a tray of cookies in the middle of the three of us. We sit there with the movie playing until mom sniffs. I look at her and see her looking like a crying mess.

"Mom?" I say. She looks at me with red-rimmed eyes.

"I am sorry this is just so sad." She says as she grabs a tissue and blows her nose. I past her shoulder and pat it slightly. We complete watching until the ending subtitles roll in and we were all in tears.

"So, Lex," Z says as she closes the lap top and turns to me. I look at her with a strained smile on my face.

"Yup?" I say as I wipe my tears.

"Why did you do it?" mom asks the awaiting question.

"Mom, I didn't want him to see me dead. I never meant for him to fall for me and I never meant to fall for him t-" I cut myself off with wide eyes.

Oh my, God, I love Noah.

"Y-you love him?" Z says as mom just looks at me with wide eyes.

"I think so. My stomach always fills with butterflies when I see him smile or grin. His smile makes me grin. His witty and sassy remarks make me laugh even if they aren't funny at all. I-I don't know." I say as I stuff my head in my hands. Mom pats my back gently as a few tears slip from my eyes. A slight pain in the back of my head and at my chest begins but I ignore it.

"Then why did you break it off, Lexi? Neither both of you deserve this. Zach called me a while ago saying that he is a mess. They force feed him and he is always sleeping; I don't think this is a good sign." Z says as guilt fills the bottom of my stomach.

"Really?" I say in a worried voice. Z nods sadly as mom bites her bottom lip in concentration. "What, mom?" I ask.

"Why don't you just tell him the truth?" mom suggests.

"What do you mean? I can't go to him and be like 'Oh, hi, Noah, I broke up with you because I have cancer in technically everywhere in my body and I was saving you from mental pain, okay, bye!' I can't do that, can I?" I say. Z chuckles at me.

"No, your mom doesn't mean that, Lex, she means tell him gently. Tell him the whole truth, from the very first moment you saw him at the grocery store till now." She says with a shrug. "I think it's a good idea." She adds, raising her eyebrows.

"You really think so?" I say, the pain in the back of my head intensifying.

"I know so." Mom adds with a soft smile.

"Well, I guess I can give this a tr-" I was cut off by a groan from me as pain shoots through my head making me put a hand on my temple and wince.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" mom asks hurriedly with a worried yet scared look in her eyes. I nod with a slight smile.

"Yeah, yeah, just a headache." I say as I massage my temple.

"Do you want your medics or something?" Z asks. I shake my head making the world spin a bit.

"No, it's not that strong." I lie with a smile. My head was actually pounding as if I was at a metal rock party.

"You sure?" mom says.

"Yeah, yeah." I say, waving my hand as if it's nothing. Mom sighs in relief before grabbing the tray and heading out of the room.

"I'll just put this in the kitchen." She says as she exits the room. Z sits beside me and puts her head on my shoulder.

"You okay? You've gone paler if that was even possible. You look kinda yellowish now." She asks. I nod as the world continues spinning around me. My stomach twists and turns as the food I just ate won't settle down.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." I say as I get up slowly and try to walk as steady as possible. I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. That probably was the key to my puking as I lurch forward towards the toilet and start puking heavily. I keep puking and puking till y stomach was empty and I was puking blood.

"Alexa?" Z says as she knocks on the door. "Are you okay? What's going on?" she adds.

"I'm fine, go." I say, my voice croaked.

"Oh, okay." she says, making it seem like she went away but I know she didn't. I get up and look at the mirror as the headache hits me full force. I lean forward before looking at the sink and finding red droplets all over it. I look up and see my nose bleeding heavily; oh no. I quickly grab a towel and put it against my nose as tears rise in my eyes from the pain. I sink on my knees as the pain shines like a fire. I hear a few loud knocks on the door.

"Alexa?" mom shouts as she bangs on the door. My head spins as the world feels dizzy all around me. "Alexa, I am coming in." she says as she opens the door. Z gasps at the sight of the toilet and the sink all covered in blood with a waterfall going down my nose. Mom rushes towards me as I lie down on the ground. She puts my head on her lap as she gently slaps me.

"Alexa, stay awake, okay, honey, stay awake!" she says as she takes out her phone from her back pocket.

"Hello, 991?" she says but my sense of hearing gets dimmed as I see her mouth move quickly. The edged around my eyes get black as my eyes start closing and the last sight I see is Z and mom screaming at me in silence. And then I fall into the black slumber.

And I complete falling in oblivion.