Your eyes

Chapter 26

*warning: another angsty chapter, slight mention of self harm, please don't read if you're uncomfortable*

Taehyung's POV

      Not again.

      I screwed things up again.

      My vision blurs as Jimin's car disappears down the road, my boyfriend's words echoing in my mind.
    
      This is because of me.

      A dull ache throbs in my chest, and I sniffle, the biting cold helping to numb my mind. I can feel my bottom lip quivering, and I'm not sure if it's because of the temperature or the words lingering in my brain.

      What did I do wrong?

      Guilt seizes me the more I think, and Jimin's anger eventually makes sense. I haven't really been acting like a boyfriend lately. Not a good one, at least. I still don't really know what it means to be in a relationship, but I said I would try. I made it an obligation of mine to make this work. Unlike I planned, my blatant ignorance got in my way, and just like everything else in my life, I ruined it.

      What does this mean? Are we still together? Is Jimin going to leave me?

      My chest tightens and I can't breathe out of my nose as a strained sob escapes me.

     Of course he's going to leave me. Why would he not?

     I cough slightly and try to stifle the sobs pouring out of my mouth. My throat closes up, and my head rushes as more, fresh tears stream down my cheeks.

    I'm going to be alone again.

    I begin to lose strength in my legs, and I wobble towards the swings, carefully sitting down on the frigid, stiff seat. A chill passes through my body, the wintry temperature seeping through my skin.

    I can understand Jimin. He had the right to say everything he said, because even now... Even now I'm thinking about Jungkook. I want to feel his arms around me, I want him to warm me up.

    I shouldn't think this way. That shouldn't happen. Jungkook is not my boyfriend, I have to stop thinking about him. Even though he is offering the comfort that I've been searching for, it doesn't mean anything. We're just friends. I can't read too much into it.

    He's just helping me.

   That's all.

    I cough softly as another sob wracks my body, reminding me once again of what had just happened. Even now, when I'm facing the risk of losing my boyfriend, I'm thinking of Jungkook. What would he say if he knew? Would he leave me too?

    A desperate anguish surges in my chest and I gasp shakily, trying to breathe through my tears. For some reason, it feels as if everything is over. Every moment of happiness I had learned to accept, gone in an instant.

    I want to see Jungkook.

    But... I don't deserve to. I'm only a burden to him.

    I grab at my chest briefly, wanting desperately to rid myself of this horrible feeling. Resting my elbows on my knees, I place my face in my hands, not having enough courage to cry openly. My body quivers and my head throbs painfully, filled with thoughts of Jimin and Jungkook.

    I should just leave again. At this point, is it even worth trying? Everyone will end up disliking me one way or another, so should I just give up? Should I just stay alone?

    A silent sob rips through my throat and I sniffle frantically, struggling to breathe.

   No.