Black Rose (Draco Malfoy)

Empty

Chapter 58: Empty

The pain was constant and severe. It seemed to deprive me of all energy. My already natural inclination towards introversion seemed to multiply overnight; being around anyone, even my family, caused me anxiety and the feeling of being closed in. I did not come out of my room some days except eat, of which I could do very little.

I would lie down in my room on my bed or the floor and stare up at the ceiling. I lay there thinking, overanalyzing everything that had happened in my life since moving to England. Sometimes I would close my eyes and just focus on the pain, feeling it.

My only companion was Snowflake. I kept myself busy caring for him and petting him. He would often lie on my stomach when I was lying down. He would meow at me and try to get me to move, but not much would work. Sometimes I got up to stare out at the window. I would also try to write to either Draco or Snape. I had to burn the letters because I knew they could never be sent, but putting my feelings down on paper was somewhat comforting.

My family tried to rouse me, but to no avail. My birthday arrived, and I told everyone to leave me alone. I groaned when I heard a knock at my door. "Go away!"

My door opened anyway. I turned my head and saw Ginny, George, and Fred enter.

"That's not a proper welcome," Fred said with a grin.

"Who let you in the house?" I asked.

"Emily," Ginny replied.

"I don't feel like company."

"It's nice to see you too, mate," said George.

I managed to move myself in a sitting position, sending Snowflake scattering. "Sorry... It's not personal." How could I tell them about the emptiness inside me that had been there since I had arrived home? It felt like there was a hole in my heart that would never be filled.

"You need to get out of the house," Fred said.

"I don't want to be around people."

"It might help," Ginny said, sitting on my bed. She stared down at me.

"I beg to differ," I muttered.

George squatted down so that we were eye-level. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what? How it feels like I'm dying? Or how about the fact that no one believes me?" My eyes narrowed slightly even though I knew I should not be angry at any of them.

"Are you talking about Snape?" Fred asked. "What's the deal? How can you be blind to something staring at you right in the face?"

The flash of anger gave me enough energy to stand up. "Maybe you're not looking deep enough. If you're trying to get a reaction out of me, it's not going to be a good one."

Fred frowned. "Sorry."

"You shouldn't be by yourself on your birthday," George said.

"We could go into muggle London," Ginny suggested. "That way you won't have to be around wizards."

I let out a sigh. I had a feeling they were not going to leave me alone until I agreed to something. "Fine. Let's go."

Fred brightened at my agreement. "Great! The fresh air will be good for you."

Fred and George Apparated Ginny and me to King's Cross (I still had yet to take the Apparatition test). I felt blinded as I walked outside and felt the sun shining in my face. I recoiled in pain.