alive ↠ l.p (complete)

Chapter 4

Liam's POV-

I woke up the next morning and needed a fix. I found my box and went to the bathroom to do a line. I neatly set up a nice, straight line and snorted it. Most people would think it's painful to snort, but after such a long time of doing it, the pain becomes nonexistent. I sat in the bathroom for a while, just to take a nice look in the mirror. Do I like what I see, truly? Am I destroying myself because I hate what I see? Am I messing up my relationship with my family because I'm sick of being here? No, I'm not depressed, or suicidal or anything of that sort, but sometimes I just wonder why I put myself through these things.

It's because I love the rush. I love the feeling of the drugs coursing through my veins, the adrenaline it gives me. It makes me feel so powerful. And hooking up with any girl who gives me a horny vibe, I do it because it sedates the predator in me. I feel like I can control a woman sexually, dominate her in bed and I love that feeling, I love letting the beast in me take over.

 My thoughts are taken when I hear a light knock on the bathroom door. "Yeah?" I ask, cleaning up my mess and putting everything in it's rightful place. "Just making sure you hadn't run off or something like that." Niall said, and he exited my room. He's always here even though he has his own place, but I don't mind. I'm just as close with him as I am with Zayn. We've been a group since freshman year, and we never really drifted apart, which I'm actually thankful for, and I'm not thankful for much nowadays.

I made my way to the living room and Zayn was flipping through the channels as Niall sat staring at the wall. He's a weird guy. "So I was thinking about having Harry and Louis over today, if that's cool?" I asked, looking over at Zayn. "Yeah, that's alright. They seem cool." "Who are they anyways?" Niall asked. "Like I said yesterday, me and Zayn here did their tattoos yesterday. They're like, a couple or something." "Oh, well that's cool." 

I called Harry up and gave him directions. Him and Louis showed up about twenty minutes later, beer and snacks in their hands. "Rad, you guys brought snacks." Niall said, getting up to help them with the bags. "This is Niall, by the way." I chuckled, nudging Niall's shoulder. "Well, come sit down and we'll all chill, unless there's a rager tonight?" "Nah, no good parties tonight, sorry Payno." Zayn shrugged. 

"Ah damn, was hoping I could get with a hot blonde tonight." I groaned. "I'm always here if you want me dude!" Niall teased, punching my arm. We all laughed, Niall's quite the jokester. Harry and Louis told us their story, how their parents kicked them out after they found out they were together, saying that it was "Agains't God's plan.: "What a load of shit, don't let anyone tell you who to love." Zayn said, taking a drink of his beer. "I straight up told my mom if she couldn't accept me that I didn't need her in my life. So here we are now, with a small apartment, defying 'God's plan'" Louis said, throwing up air quotes. 

They left around eleven, the moon hung high in the sky. Niall also made his way out, so it was just me and Zayn. "Have you ever thought about stopping? You know, the drugs and partying?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, sometimes. But I love the rush, so I can't quit. I feel bad for my parents though, they went from having such a good son and now they have this monster. I just hope they don't think it's their fault." 

Me and Zayn have moments like this every now and then, just talking about life and all that. He's a pretty deep dude, and I think that's why we're friends. His ability to be so philosophical balances my need to be a complete party animal. It's nice to have a friend like that, someone that makes sure you're not always being stupid.