Into the Night

Chapter 27 - Four POV

Friday, December 12th

"What do you mean you won't be there?!" I've seen Amar angry before, seething even. It makes me uncomfortable every time.

"I have my own reasons."

"This won't look good on your report as a T.A."

My skin feels cold, but I haven't been able to really feel warmth since Tuesday. "Yeah." The thought of seeing her sends my stomach rolling, again. "Tell them I'm sick or something."

Amar huffs and runs a hand into his hair. "I just don't understand why you can't be there. Four, I want to write a good report for you, but I can't if you put me in this position. Can't you at least try to explain it to me? Help me understand? Maybe then we can come up with a good enough reason for you not to be there?"

I stare at the floor. I don't want to see her. Yet, I do. I want to get in her face and yell at her for the decision she made. How could she work there? Doing, whatever it is they do. It makes my chest tight and there's a copper taste in my mouth, the same taste I get right before I throw up. Just seeing her, like that . . . She deserves so much better. How could she be so stupid?! Does she think herself that low? Needing to show skin and beg for money with a swing of her hips? She's smarter than that. I'm ashamed at how I felt initially watching her dance, she was enchanting, haunting, beautiful. She moved differently than the other dancers. She was reserved, but ready to dive in head first to whatever act was required. Her expressions changed with the music, and the little noises that escaped her mouth launched my heart into my throat. I couldn't swallow. I couldn't breathe.

And then she came over, and I remembered what kind of place it actually is. She tried to talk to me, but I couldn't hear anything. Red clouded my vision and adrenaline rushed through me. I felt dizzy, furious, helpless, stupid, and I knew that I just needed to get out of there. I needed time to think. I didn't look back to see her reaction, because I knew it would have broken me.

She's smart, so why is she there?

She's smart. And she's good at Amar's class. I turn my face to Amar, who is still waiting patiently for my explanation. "How long do you think it'll take the top ten percent in the class to finish the final?"

Amar cocks an eyebrow and pauses. "About 80 to 90 minutes most likely."

"I'll show up then. But not before."

He sighs heavily and rubs a hand down his face. "That's better than not showing up at all, but I still have to make a mark on your report." Amar picks up his side bag, about ready to head off to his first class, the one before hers. "Four, will you please tell me what's going on? Don't you trust me?"

Trust. There's that word again. Didn't she trust me? Of course not, she told me herself. But she was opening up to me. Was she ever going to tell me? Did I trust her? I didn't think that any secret of hers would be as big as this one. Did I really take the time to consider the possibility?

Do I trust Amar? I look back up at him, his brown eyes pleading with me. He'll be angry for sure. Do I trust him? Yes.

"One of the students." I start, my mouth suddenly going dry. "And I, have started seeing each other. Sort of."

Amar's mouth falls open, and the raging anger returns. "Are you out of your mind?! You couldn't wait till the end of the term to pursue her? Jesus Four! Of all the T.A's I've ever known, you were the least likely to ever do something this stupid!"

Amar leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. A string of curse words follow him down the hall. I don't feel bad about it, like I probably should. But the echoing of the slamming door cuts my breathing in half as memories of Marcus slamming the closet door in on me flood back.