Remorse // g.d.

xvi.

Kaspar is talking about me? I mean, of course, we're becoming distant. I hardly spent time with him this summer, and he's my boyfriend. After all, I'm starting to get Grayson back after what he did to me two years ago, which is why we hardly hang out. But also, I couldn't stop thinking about Grayson ever since I arrived back to New Jersey. Overhearing this pains me. I run to my room and I grab a hoodie and a pair of Vans. I put them on and I grab my house key.

Leaving the house late at night, I walk to the nearest park I could find. I grab my phone and I text Cameron.

Can you come to the park near my house?

Yeah sure! I'll be there in a few minutes. Everything okay?

No.

While Cameron is getting ready to meet up with me, I answer Grayson's message that I didn't answer since I was asleep.

Well, hey there Cara! I hope your day is going great.

It kind of was, until I overheard something.

Aww, do you wanna talk about it?

No, it's okay. But thank you, though.

No worries, it's okay! I'm here for you if you need anything.

So I see that you're British?

Yes, in a way.

In a way?

I was born in America but I moved to Britain.

Ohhhh! By the way, I love your blog so much!

Thank you, it means a lot.

I threw effort into making this as great as I can make it.

I'm an icon. I never threw effort into this account. Okay, maybe I did put a bit of effort.... or a lot. I had to lure Grayson into following me back just in case he didn't like my feed. This is going to be a legendary episode of Catfish. I go on Grayson's feed and I read a status that he wrote not too long ago.

"I've been...."

I've been? Is that a status that was accidentally posted? A draft that wasn't discarded? What could that mean? A light startles me, and then the lights go off along with a car motor. Looks like Cameron's arrived. She steps out of the car and goes to the bench where I'm sitting.

"Hey, what's up?" She asks as she sits down next to me.

I put my phone on my lap and I stare at the playground in front of me. "I overheard Kaspar in a phone call. He was telling someone about how we're getting distant. I- I-"

I lose the ability to speak for a bit. It's hurting me, and I don't know how to react.

She rubs my shoulders and I look at her. She smiles, "It's okay, take your time."

I look back at the playground. "I just feel like I'm leading Kaspar on. Grayson's taking up my mind, and I'm supposed to look at the present and future in front of me, not the past. Here I am, thinking about Grayson. I don't feel okay about that. I should be loving Kaspar. Honestly, I don't feel a lot of love for Kaspar anymore, and the whole summer hasn't even ended yet. How am I supposed to be with someone I'm losing feelings for? Why am I not getting over someone who hurt me?"