Remorse // g.d.

xxv.

Sitting on my bed, I stare at the box that's in my hands. I don't even bother opening it and seeing the content that was placed in it by Grayson a couple of years ago before I left.

"We don't need bad blood here do we?"

"Nope. Well, I hope you have a good time. Come back to visit us one day."

"Alright," I say.

He gives me a box with an envelope on top of it. "If you want to, you can open it," he says and he walks away to find his bus.

I never really had the heart to open it, if I'm being honest. I was so heartbroken and also busy making new friends, dating Kaspar. I sigh and realized that I may not be able to change Grayson's decision. Maybe it is best that we ended it completely. I mean, there goes my closure. I need to start moving on from this whole thing. I obviously messed everything up with Grayson, and there's no way to fix it. We let our broken feelings get the best of us. At least I'll be going back to London in about two weeks to start university. It'll be a fresh start for me.

I just hope Grayson makes up with his siblings because I really messed things between them. I mean having your own twin avoid you, I can't even imagine how that would feel. It's like losing your other half. I know Ethan's strong about this and is doing whatever he can to get his own brother to speak to him. I haven't really spoken to him, and I don't know how to approach him. I mean Cameron and I are fine, but I don't know if Ethan's being hostile or giving me space.

My thoughts are clouding around with Grayson. He's all I can think about now. I never expected that a guy I would always find annoying would be the only person who's always in my thoughts. I swear it came out of nowhere. I would always be with Kaspar and tell him I love him, but when I arrived back here, I started longing for Grayson. It's so bizarre and I thought it was just nostalgia kicking in. But, I noticed myself getting more upset than happy whenever I was with Kaspar. Normally girls would be more than happy to show off their boyfriends wherever they went. But, me? I hid whenever I saw Grayson and I was with Kaspar. Why was that? I should've been showing Kaspar off to him saying "hey this is my boyfriend whom I love so much." But did I do that? Nope, I did not.

I look at the box and realize that this isn't the end of things. I grab the box and I text Cameron that I'm going to her house. I tell Cam that I'm going over to Cameron's and he told me he wishes the best for him and I. I thank him and I exit the house. While walking to Grayson's I started getting nervous, and it's hard to control it. It's hard to conquer my fear.

I reach the doorsteps of Grayson's house. Cameron immediately opens the door at the sight of me and tells me to come in. I enter into their house and notice that it's changed since the last time I've arrived. It's much quieter. She ushers me into their backyard. I go to the fence where it separates the cemented platform from the deck. I've never been to this area of the house before. I lean against the fence and wonder what could happen.

"Hey," I hear a familiar voice.

I turn to my left and I see Grayson next to me. I have no idea how I didn't notice he was there.

"Hey," I reply with a small smile.

He sighs and we look forward. He looks at me and breaks the ice by starting the conversation. "Look, I thought on what you said to me. And I'm glad you have remorse for what you've done. But, it changes us. It changes our view on life and we can't go back to the way we are. Also, I can see your ego trying to protect your feelings. Ella, it's fine to feel feelings. I don't think you've ever felt happy because you were always pressed at me," I laugh at that sentence and smile at him. "But, it's okay to feel emotions. You're human. And I admire that you're valiant, it shows independence."