Love In The Dark

Chapter 6

"Baby, you have to eat." Mum said as she sat down beside me.

"I'm not hungry." I replied dryly.

"Honey you haven't eaten yet since yesterday... Please Adele..." Mum pulled me for a hug but I didn't felt anything.

My eyes are too puffy, my lips are swelling from the biting, my face were pale, my hair is too messy but I don't give any single fuck about all of them.

My husband died and my son too, what do these people inside this room will expect me to do? Continue with my life? Be happy again? No! That's not gonna happen! I'm not the happy Adele they used to know! And I will never be again.

"Ade-" my emotions began to fuck up that I almost shouted at my mum.

"I said leave me alone! I don't need anyone from here! I just want my family!" I quickly stormed outside the room as I heard my mum crying.

How can you do that to your mum Adele? She's the only person whom you can hold onto right now...

I repulse all of the people who tries to give me some help. I don't need their commiseration, because their sympathy cannot bring back my Alex and my Ian anymore.

I want to be all by myself. I don't want someone consoling me and making me believe that everything will be alright, where in fact it won't and it will never be.

I ran away from that place where my husband and my son lays. I dragged my feet along the pavements and got lost to my thoughts, without me knowing where I would end up.

I want to ran away from my nightmares. I want to get lost in this world and be with my family. On every pain that clenches on my heart, I wished Tristan just totally killed me.

Why did they let me live? Doesn't they know it's more painful to live without your most loved ones?

Of course no! Because they're not on my own shoes!

They don't understand the pain and frustrations I'm having ever since the day when my nightmares had happened. They don't know how heavy the torments I'm carrying every single day that I mourn over my family. They don't have any idea how big the dreams Alex and I envisioned for our family that just quickly slipped out of my hands. They will never ever decipher all of the debacles Tristan had caused me because they don't know how my soul died when my family left me.

After the long run, I found myself curled up on Alex and I's bed. I was tightly hugging my knees as I cried out all of the pain inside my heart.

"Alex! Why did you left me? You know I couldn't do this without you..." I grabbed the bottle of wine beside me and drank it all up.

To my surprise, I already consumed 2 bottles of alcohol and 2 packs of cigarette.

I'm a drunker and a chain smoker way back before but Alex helped me to get rid of those addictions. He always tells me that I should take care of myself because he wanted me to live longer and be with him.

"Y-you promised me babe! You promised to me in front of the altar that you will never ever leave me!" I threw the glass bottle against the wall and it shattered.

I pick up a sharp piece of the broken wine and positioned it to my wrist.

"Now you're gone, I don't have any reasons to live anymore Alex." I slowly cut my wrist and I felt the pain in my heart slightly subsided.