It's Been Killing Me ➢ Camren

VI: I'm here for you Camz.

*Trigger Warning: Self-Harm*

"Ariana?" For a moment, my heart stopped as I mumbled that almost unfamiliar name. My feet froze and I couldn't move. Clenching my fist tightly, I hissed at her "What are you doing here?" I tried to control my anger. I wanted to show her that her actions do not affect me anymore. "Didn't you move to LA or something?" I raised a finger and pushed at her chest making her stumble a bit. "I..." Ariana stuttered and that action seemed to fuel my anger even more.

"What? You still can't talk to me? Are you still embarrassed? Do you still think I'm pitiful That you didn't even wanted to help me?" With every word I angrily said to her, I continued pushing at her chest with my index finger.

The brunette's face showed sadness and shock. "Camila I'm- " Her cold hands held my cheek but I slapped her hand away from my face "Are you asking for my forgiveness?" My anger and hatred for her was still obvious but she did not stop her advances towards me. She nodded meekly while trying to get close to me, "Do not come near me!" Angrily, I shouted and clenched my eyes shut.

She had stopped her advances towards me before I was shocked.

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" Ariana broke down crying and I even felt a little bit of remorse for her but that didn't equal to the amount of times she tormented me emotionally. "I tried..." Sighing, I calmed myself down. "I tried to forgive you but after every hurtful words you spat at me, I promised myself that I would never associate myself with toxic people like you, you made me hate myself when you were the one who promised to be there for me." I laughed humorlessly. Running a hand through my thick hair, I sighed.

To this day, I still wonder why she ever treated me that way.

"Please! Give me another chance." The poor brunette whimpered with her hands interlocked together, pleading for my forgiveness. "I really wish it was that easy to forgive you." I stood looking at her with no emotions showing on my face and then I folded the sleeves of my coat and rubbed the concealer off of my wrists. Fading scars appeared and I saw Ariana's eyes widen.

"Oh my God," She whispered. Her hands flew to her mouth and tears started to flow from her eyes again.

"When I started college, I started to put concealer on it. Especially when I found out Lauren is my roommate. When I didn't have time to put some on my wrist I just wore long sleeves even when it was clearly too hot to wear clothes like that."

"Even Dinah and Ally never knew. Probably because it's not that noticeable anymore yet I'm still scared that they will find out, you know? I don't think I can handle the disgusted faces they will show me." I started to ramble.

"Why would you do that?" She whispered, holding onto my wrist. "You still don't understand, are you that oblivious?" Mumbling under my breath. I kept scratching my wrists because it started to get very itchy. "That has always been the problem with you."

"Oh God, I didn't know how my actions affected you that much. I- I just thought that would have made you hate me but to make you think of even hurting yourself is..."

"You see, that has always been the fucking problem with you! You only care about yourself. After everything you made me believe... What makes you think I'm still that gullible?" I avoided eye contact with her as best as I could while rubbing my itching wrists. She stared at me in disbelief.

"Ariana?" I whispered timidly. I watch her as she fished through my drawer. She didn't answer me when I called her so I kept watching her, still confused. "Are you searching for something?" I lay my hand on her shoulder and that was when she finally looked at me. Her usually warm eyes looked at me without emotions. I flinched when she looked at me with disgust.