Backwards // Book One

Chapter 35.

The soft grey walls are darkened by the dark sky outside. Birds chirp in the trees outside of the window, sending off a soft rhythm through the garden below. The moonlight streams across the garden, illuminating the beautiful flowers below that are in full bloom. The usually bright flowers are also darkened by the dark sky above.

A soft breeze moves over the roofs of the neighborhood houses and through the thick leaves of the trees. Shutters crack against the side of the house lightly, sending a deep clicking noise along the walls of the house. The clean air floats into the room through the open bay window, immediately bringing the crisp spring night from outside into the house.

Gracie sleeps in my arms peacefully. Her soft brown curls in a soft mess atop her head, a few pieces gently enveloping her small ears. I move the pieces from her ears, softly rubbing them to behind her ear. Her tiny pink lips quiver in her sleep, making movements that she's unaware of.

Her bright green eyes are hidden by her closed eyelids. Her eyes move under her eyelids as she attempts to dream her very first dreams. I smile down at her as I can only imagine what she's dreaming of. I slowly rock in the chair back and forth, keeping my eyes on her every second. I take in a deep breath and lean my head back into the chair.

It's been awhile since I've gotten a full night of sleep. I've learned to just try to sleep when Gracie does, which has been almost never. When I do sleep, it's here in this chair. It's basically the only that I've been. I'm just too in love with her to leave her side. I want to be here for every moment.

Gracie groans in her sleep, causing me to smile to myself slightly. I open my eyes again and peer down at her through the darkness. Her baby soft skin shines in the moonlight, revealing her chubby cheeks. She shifts slightly in my arms, attempting to make herself more comfortable. I loosen my grip on her, allowing her to move as she pleases.

She cradles her head deeper into the crook of my arm, continuing to move her lips. It's like she's talking to someone in her dreams. The room is completely silent. The only sound is the train running through my head. I've been thinking nonstop. It's all I ever do.

I think of what raising Gracie will be like. I think of what she'll be like when she's older. I even think about the simple things like what we're going to eat for breakfast the next morning or what outfits we're going to where. I've begun to plan out every single detail. I guess that's just part of being a parent.

At first I thought that becoming a parent would be the scariest thing in the world but now that Gracie has been here for a few weeks, it's not so bad. Yeah, there's not a lot of sleep and no going out but it's fine. At least I have my baby with me. She's all I really need these days.

I smile back down at Gracie as her small fingers envelop around only one of my fingers. She squeezes it with all of the little might in her small body, making me laugh at her attempt. She'll grow to be stronger one day. One day she'll probably be strong enough to break my heart.

"Oh Gracie..." I whisper, stroking her cheek lightly with the tip of my finger.

She squirms under my grip, opening her eyes and yawning widely.

"Hello there..." I whisper, smiling down at her.

Her bright eyes stare back at me full of wonder. It's the only look that she has really. Apparently it's normal for babies to be full of wonder. Maybe that's how they come into this world. Sometimes I wish that I was still full of wonder instead of whatever it is the hell that I'm full of these days.

Gracie blinks tiredly a few times, fighting sleep.

"It's okay, go back to sleep..." I whisper, stroking her cheek again.

After a few seconds, she closes her eyes again and quickly drifts off to sleep. I continue watching her. Her every move, her every breath. I'm just so consumed by her presence. I've wanted a lot of things in my life. Success, wealth and a good life but all that I've ever really needed is right here in my arms.

Instead of waking up excited to see how my friends are or excited for a new photoshoot, I'm excited to wake up and find Gracie fast asleep in her crib. Waking Gracie is up is my favorite part of the day. As soon as she wakes up she yawns and stretches her small limbs. Then she raises a quick eyebrow and coos at my presence.

I'm convinced that her morning coos is just her telling me "good morning." Which, every morning is a good morning with her around. As hard as the past few weeks have been, things are finally beginning to fall into place. Parenthood is starting to make sense. In fact, it's the only thing that make sense these days.

I tilt my head as Gracie breathes in slow and gentle breaths. Her lips form into a crooked smile, causing a smile to form across my own face. It's the first time that I've seen her smile. I bring her up closer to me, cradling her head carefully. Her warm skin against my neck.

"Gracie, you know you're the best thing to ever happen to me right?" I whisper, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Silence.

"Fine, ignore me.." I laugh quietly, shaking my head.

The room is completely silent again. I groan slightly and nuzzle my head into Gracie's. I look to the bay window which reveals that the sun is coming up quickly. A soft orange light slipping into the sky. The grey room slowly lights up, showing the rows of plush animals on the bookcases of the window.

My eyes meets each one of the plush animals. There are about a dozen animals staring back at me, some with creepy smiles and others with no mouths at all. As my eyes move through the row of animals, that's when I see it. It's staring back at me too.

The photo.

I look down at Gracie who is still sound asleep in my arms and slowly get up from the rocking chair. I'm careful moving across the room, trying not to wake Gracie. As I stand in front of the photo, I find myself smiling. It's a beautiful photo. Taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. Paris. One of my favorite places in the world.

"Paris..." I whisper, smiling at the photo.

Then my attention is brought to the two people in the photo. Us. I breathe in a deep breath and peer back down at Gracie. Her small fingers are gripped tightly on to my t-shirt.

"That was such a fun trip Gracie..." I whisper, looking back up to the photo.

The photo is set in a beautiful diamond encrusted frame. It came from Francesca and Callum I believe. It was the perfect frame. With the photo and the frame, it's definitely the most beautiful that I've ever seen.

However, it's not the Eiffel Tower or the frame that makes it so beautiful. It's her. Charlie. She's absolutely stunning in the photo. Her long blonde hair flowing over her shoulders, her bright hazel eyes shining along with her smile. She looks so happy in the photo. So do I. However, that's not exactly how I feel anymore.

My name is Harry Styles. Two weeks ago I was a quirky, fun-loving husband with a baby on the way. Now, I'm a single father with a dead wife. I don't know what the future looks like for Gracie and I. I'm not sure what kind of father that I'll be. I'm not even sure of how I'll continue on any further without Charlie. What I do know is that the only way that I can go now...is forwards.

THE END.

(Note: Please go to the right of the screen and play the video there. It really helped to inspire the end of this story and is very close to my heart. Thank you.)

Vote - Comment - Etc