Introverted Hearts // Josh Dun

chapter three :: catty calicø cønversatiøns

The previous time that Josh and Tyler visited, the ending conclusion went pretty well. Of course, CJ was still on the verge of tears, but it was better than having a full on panic attack.

But the next time they came over, two weeks later, was a different story.

It was the beginning of December. CJ was already studying for her finals. She knew she would pass them because she stayed in the house all the time; that meant she could study all the time.

CJ was copying things from her laptop into her notebook, glancing with messy hair and dirty glasses. She had the album Wiped Out! by The Neighborhood spinning on her record player. She loved every single song on it. She especially loved playing records at night. The vibes that came from her music combined with her lights made her feel... aesthetic.

(aesthetic - a thing of beauty)

"The sun's coming out but I'm feeling colder," CJ sang along. She never had a good singing voice and she gave up on hoping that she will one day. "I know I fall in love with you baby, yeah that's just what I'll do."

To put it simply, CJ was a walking definition of innocent.

She never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, which led her to never having kissed  someone.

She was still a virgin at the age of twenty one, while most people she knew lost theirs in high school.

The only attention she got from boys was when they teased her by saying that one of their friends thought she was cute, which she knew wasn't true, though she fell for it the first few times. That was until she heard their laughter after every time it happened. Especially when the boy who apparently liked her denied it and laughed with his friends as if she wasn't just standing right there.

(story of my life tbh it happens literally ever day not even exaggerating)

She just wished that she had somebody to think about when she listened to songs like the ones she was listening at that point.

She wished she had somebody to tell about when she listened to certain songs and only thought of them.

She wished to be thought of in that way.

She wished she had somebody to tell, "I would rather listen to your voice than my favorite song." In her book, that was definition of love.

She wished to be somebody's nicotine.

But wishing never did anything for her in the first place.

She continued on with her studying, biting the eraser on her pencil as she shoved the thought of never being loved by somebody in the back of her mind.

Things had calmed down. There was no loud eruptions of laughter from the living room. The lights in the hallway were shut off. CJ dreaded the thought of having to go out in the dark. She figured that Josh and Tyler left, so she grabbed her phone and clicked her flashlight on, turning on the hall light.

As she walked down the hallway, she knelt down and flicked all four night lights on.

She heard who she assumed was Jenna in the kitchen. "Jenna it's like two am why are you still-" As she turned the corner, CJ realized that it wasn't Jenna.

It was Josh.

"Hey," Josh turned to her, shirtless with a cup in his hand. "Sorry. I-I didn't mean to bother you."

CJ tugged down the sleeves of her sweatshirt self consciously. "No," she shook her head quick. "You're good. I-I just didn't know you were still here."