Introverted Hearts // Josh Dun

chapter twenty :: bravery

not that anybody really cares anymore lmao I've been down the past few days and I got back into writing this. sorry I've been gone. I still love this story and have plans for it. I am drowning in josh content and sadness.

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"I know you're not sleeping. I know what you're breathing sounds like when you are.. something you don't know about yourself." Josh told CJ when he entered his bedroom.

CJ was pretending to be asleep so she could avoid conversation with him.

She had been staying with Josh for about a month.

"I knew." CJ spoke as she sat up.

Josh was silent.

"I knew," CJ repeated. "It's all so.. hazy but it comes back in pieces, y'know?"

"Mhm." Josh nodded.

"And h-he wouldn't stop," CJ shook her head. "I tried to scream a-and cry but nothing would come out. I-"

"You don't have to talk about it," Josh told her. "It must be hard."

CJ sighed and shook her head. "She kept it from me."

"I know." Josh replied.

"S-She lied to me for years. She made me think that after I got back on my feet, I was okay."

Josh did not want to say sorry, so he simply rubbed her back.

"I lied to you." CJ blurted out.

"About what?"

"Remember when I had those nightmares?"

"Yeah." Josh settled next to her and listened to her intently.

"I lied," CJ repeated. "Not completely - but some of the dreams I had.. it was him."

"You know what he looks like?" Josh asked.

"No," CJ lied. "I know what his hands look like. I know how he felt-"

"I know." Josh interrupted her so that she was not able to go into detail, but could not figure out if he stopped her for her sake or his own.

"I remember him more in the dreams."

"If you knew from your dreams," Josh was careful with his words. "Why are you mad at Jenna?"

"I didn't completely know," CJ explained. "I knew that something happened and I had an idea, but she lied and said that nothing happened."

Josh was quiet as he played with her hands.

CJ realized that Josh had no idea what to say or how to react to what she was saying, so she stopped speaking on the subject matter.

"Y'know, I can't live in your clothes forever." CJ changed the subject.

"But you look great in them." Josh smiled at her.

"It's like being hugged by you too."

"You don't need my clothes for that." Josh pulled her into a loving embrace, rubbing her back as he did so. "You know I'm always gonna be here for you, right?"

"Would you be there for me to go back to the apartment?"

"What?" Josh pulled away and examined CJ's face.

"I need my things," CJ whined. "My lights, baby."

"The lights I pulled out of my mom's attic aren't enough?" Josh teased.