Introverted Hearts // Josh Dun

chapter six :: rainy waiting

does the title remind you of anything ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Jenna," CJ pleaded. "I can't do this. I could get hit by a car o-or get lost on my way there."

"Stop thinking about it in that way," Jenna replied as she swung her bag over her shoulder. "They want me in for night shift so I have to go. I don't have time to take you."

"Can't you just say that you have an appointment?"

"My boss wouldn't believe that I go to the psychiatrist," Jenna answered. "Just walk like you usually do."

"It's supposed to rain."

"I don't know what to tell you," Jenna told her. "Call Josh. Maybe he can give you a ride. I'll forward his number and everything."

"I can't go," CJ began pacing back and forth in the kitchen. "T-The receptionist is gonna wonder why my appointment is so late o-or maybe she'll wonder why I parted my hair to the other side. What if she asks me about my day? Am-Am I just supposed to-"

"You're overthinking it," Jenna grabbed her shoulders. "I-"

"No!" CJ shouted. "Overthinking isn't a thing for me. Every fear I have is valid."

"Look," Jenna gently pushed her shoulders down, trying to get her best friend to breathe more. "You have your phone. My number and Josh's number. Even Tyler will answer."

***

The receptionist, who CJ had became well acquainted with during the panic attacks she used to have in the waiting room, checked CJ in and told her to take a seat. She did as she was asked, quietly watching the news. She was only paying attention to the weather, hoping her wifi connection didn't have a chance of going out.

"Okay Miss Reyes," Dr. Lee typed on her keyboard. "How are we doing on your medicine?"

"Um.." CJ's leg shook up and down as she glanced around the office. "I-I don't think it's working as well as it used to. I've heard some good stuff about Xanax."

"No." Dr. Lee leaned back in her chair and shook her head.

"B-But it works a lot, right?"

"Not with addictive personality disorders." She told CJ.

"Can we just forget about that for a minute?" CJ asked. "I just want these feelings to go away."

"But you would be possibly gaining an addiction to a medicine that has been proven a worse addiction than cocaine."

"Then-Then what are we gonna do?" CJ sighed in frustration. "We already raised my dosage so much."

"We raise it to the highest possible standard or you can work towards a better attitude with your anxiety." Dr. Lee typed a bit more on her keyboard.

"Please," CJ squeezed her eyes shut. "Don't give me this talk."

"Find somebody like Jenna-"

"No," CJ gripped the arm rests on her chair. "I don't need a Jenna I-I-"

"You're right," Dr. Lee nodded. "You don't need a Jenna around. Your disorder is based on codependency."

CJ went quiet.

"Try to find somebody else. Maybe a friend of Jenna's." Dr. Lee suggested. "Befriend them and see where it goes from there. Try your best to expand your friend group. Just go one at time to stop yourself from getting overwhelmed."

CJ nodded. "There is this one guy.."

"Who?"

"Jenna's boyfriend's best friend," CJ replied with the mouthful. "He um, he's just like me."