Run Away || Luke Hemmings

28

The first show was the hardest. I remember freezing not wanting to walk out onto the stage but I had to. I remember looking offstage seeing Luke giving me a thumbs up before completely disappearing back stage. He knew I was better off without him watching. I made it through the performance without a hitch. It felt freeing to go out on the stage and sing my heart out like no one was actually watching. There was something about belting out lyrics and having people scream that was picture perfect. I had always seen people do it for the guys but I never had it for myself. It definitely made going out each night that much more exciting.

I would be lying if I said that going on stage every night and preforming was easy. It wasn't. Rather mentally and physically exhausting. I finally understood what made the guys act like they did. I didn't even play a set close to as long as theirs. It was surprising that they had been going so long with barely any break. I don't think my body would allow me to keep going like they did. It made me more proud of them.

Luke and I kept our PDA to a minimum. We did normally but we definitely didn't let things slide while on the road. It was about two weeks into the tour and it was a good show. It was one of the best I had ever attended let alone played at. The energy was so high and there were so many more people than all the previous shows. We decided to celebrate more than normal. We all ended up a bit too drunk. 

Fans liked to stay late and we normal waited until they cleared out before taking off to our next destination. They liked snooping and watching as we hung outside. I did my snooping while we drove. I would find pictures of some of us just hanging out outside after a show it was weird but understandable to a degree. With too much alcohol in us we didn't really care what we did. Luke and I weren't paying attention to our PDA while outside. All I remember was being outside wrapped up in his arms. I could hear screams but it wasn't registering to either of us. We were standing right out for everyone to see and we kissed. The screams got louder which caused the rest of the band to look around. They had drinks as well but they knew public PDA wasn't our thing. They tended to hold alcohol better than both Luke and I. "Emery and Luke." I heard Calum say causing us to stop kissing. "Stop." He pulled us behind one of buses out of sight, out of mind. 

"Come on Cal." My words were all slurred together. I definitely never learned to hold alcohol well. 

"You guys just kissed in front of our fans." He shook his head. "No more drinking for the both of you. You are going to wake up regretting a lot of shit."

"Who cares?" I yelled at Calum looking at Luke. We were both in the giddy drunken state where nothing really mattered. The guys couldn't stand when we got like this because there was no getting through to us. It hadn't happened much before but when it did they hated every second of it. They wanted to enjoy their night not babysit the children, Luke and I.

Calum was ultimately right though. We regretted it the next morning. Everyone was talking about how they didn't like how we lied about everything. We didn't even lie, we just didn't state facts we avoided it in every way we could. There was no denying the photo proof. Luke was going to have to be okay that it was fully out that we were a couple. He avoided me for the beginning part of the day. He was mad at himself for letting the cat out of the bag.

@EmeryBlake: I wish privacy was a thing, I hate seeing people sad.

An overwhelming amount of hate came pouring in to my twitter. People just had to find any reason they could to hate me. I had something that some of them wanted and they couldn't be happy for a second. They didn't care if I made Luke or the guys happy because they wanted to be the ones to do it. I completely understood, I had been in that position before. The only difference was I never hated on the person that had what I wanted. I did my best to accept it and try and move on. It got to the point where I couldn't take what I was reading and I took to snapchat. I walked away from the band so they couldn't stop me.