Run Away || Luke Hemmings

29

"God damn it Emery." Luke moved away from me. "Why the fuck do you always do this?" He was angry with me. "You can never let us have something good can you?"

"Obviously not. I'm the one who ruins everything always." I stood back up. "So much for finally telling your fans something we should have told them from the beginning." I started grabbing my things that were scattered around the room putting them into a bag.

"Emz what are you doing?" Calum chimed in.

"Leaving to get ready for the last show I have since clearly I ruin everything."

"Fucking stop Emery." Luke stood up. He wasn't dealing with any of my attitude. "You overact to fucking everything. I know exactly what he said to you because we had the exact same god damn conversation earlier. What we did was against the rules. But it happened and we can't undo it. It is their job as our manager and our PR people to deal with it, not us. Sometimes they have fucked up motives but they aren't going to ruin people's happiness. Yes they will try and push things but they know that you are stuck with this group for life no matter what they do. They aren't going to push you away. They aren't fucking idiots. You snap over everything and I'm sick of dealing with it. You need to start growing up. I've done it, you should start as well. We are adults and you act like a damn child 90% of the time. You need to learn to handle things like a normal person. I get that we don't have a normal life but you take things to a whole new level and all of us are sick of it. You can't go a day without getting upset over something. You used to be the happiest girl I fucking knew and I don't know the last time I saw you genuinely happy for more than an hour. Like are you even really happy to be here? To be with me?"

"I can't kiss my own boyfriend in public because it's against the rules." I felt a tear fall down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. "You're right Luke I'm not happy. I don't know the last time I went a whole day being happy. The last clear memory was back in high school." I bit the inside of my lip trying not to fully lose it. "My parents were out of town and I spent the week at your house. We stayed up almost every night talking about nothing. I remember Liz coming in one night at midnight yelling at us for still being up but we didn't care. We stayed up until about four that morning. Every night was spent doing homework and then having little jam sessions. The last night we had together we sat in your back yard and played for hours. It was the first time we played I Swear This Time I Mean It. You fumbled over every note in the song but we acted as if none of it happened. I can picture the night clearly, that moment clearly. You'd fuck up and we'd both look at each other with the stupidest smile but continued singing as if it didn't happen." I turned my back to the band and wiped my face trying to compose myself for a moment. "I keep thinking every day that something is going to click and I'll go back to being that happy. I thought that having my dreams come true, our dreams come true would bring that happiness back, clearly I was wrong. I've turned into more of a fucked up piece of shit that none of you can even stand."

Luke's eyes followed my every movement but he was stone cold. It's not that he didn't care what I was saying he was just so used to hearing I wanted to change and then me not changing. He was sick of getting his hopes up for something good to only have it be torn down. I was ruining their lives more than I was helping them.

"I've had my happy moments though. Listening to you sing me Falling In Love for the first time made me happy. Hearing you confess your feelings made me happy. Surprising you in LA and kissing your perfect little lips made me happy. Meeting my fans made me happy. Singing on stage with my four best friends made me happy. Waking up next to you every morning makes me happy. Making love with you makes me happy. Living with my four best friends makes me happy." I looked down at my hands fiddling my thumbs together. I was sifting through memories sorting the good from the bad, but it was overwhelming. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I walked out of the room leaving my half packed bag on the floor. I left back stage. I walked straight past everyone heading for the gate to leave. I was done with all of it. I was a ticking time bomb at every moment in my life and I was sick of exploding. I needed help.