Mend My Elastic Heart

Speechless - 2

Courtney — Nine Years Into The Past

8 years old
I just came home from school, the popular girl wasn't being mean to me today so I was glad, I was also glad because my mom and dad were taking me to see the opera today, they'd usually go without me but today they said that I would be joining them. I walked into my yellow house and called my mom and dads name, I didn't hear anything, I went into their bedroom and didn't see anybody. I heard the doorbell ring so I ran down the stairs, knowing they wouldn't leave me behind, especially today.

I opened the door to a tall man wearing a police uniform, his eyes were as blue as the sea. He asked me if I was home alone soI called my sleeping grandmother who was in her room, it took her a while to get out and introduce herself since she was looking for her teeth.

She appointed the blue eyed man to a seat in the living room where they could discuss what he showed up for. I went into the kitchen to get some lemonade for the tall gentleman and when I was bringing the glass of lemonade to him I heard a shatter, I looked on the floor and saw the lemonde moving in different areas along with the glass but all I could think about was what the officer said to my grandmother.

I sat on the floor, sobbing, after hearing that my mother was killed in a car explosion while my father had time to escape but not enough time to save her.

"He-he tried very hard to get her out of the car but someone noticed the fuel leak and dragged him away, he fought to go rescue her but the car blew up in flames leaving him with fourth degree burns."

"Courtney is it?" The blue eyed man asked as he wiped my tears away. I looked at him and nodded my head. "Take my card and call me whenever you feel sad, and you should definitely call me if someone steals your lunch at school, I'll be sure to throw them in jail," he said lighting up the depressing aura    

I put on a sheepish giggle and took his card and put it in my little purse I was going to take to the opera with me, "Thank you officer." He kneeled down to my level of shortness and whispered into my ear, making me laugh.

"Sometimes people call me Georga-saurus Rex because I have dinosaur hands, do you want to call me that or George?"

"Can I call you Curious George?" I asked with a smile? He nodded and stood back up. He patted my grandmothers shoulder before looking back at me and doing a little monkey dance and leaving.

...

Every night my grandmother would come into my room and sing me to sleep after hearing me crying out for my mother and praying for my father to get better. "Courtney, it's ok I'm here grandmas here, don't cry" she would say, wiping my tears. We visited my father in the hospital every week hoping that he would be awake to see how fast I was growing and how better I was getting in school. After my friends stopped talking to me after word got out that my mother died and my father was in a coma, I was left by myself at school. They didn't think it was cool to talk to someone who didn't have parents, or two. 

My grandma thought it would be best that I went to group therapy since I suddenly stopped talking to everybody, including her after I turned eight. The therapist wasn't any help, I didn't talk to him, I didn't listen to what everybody had to say, I didn't want to talk to anybody besides my police friend, George, who tried his best to be there for me even though he barely knew me.

After a few more months of teasing and the constant bullying I lost the ability to fully speak in social settings, my abuelita eventually took me to a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me because it was unusual for me considering how much I used to enjoy deep conversations. After the results of my diagnosis, my abuela decided that I should switch school and have a fresh start. We moved to a new city, when I entered the 5th grade.

14 years old
I was attending a school called Brookley Elementary since then, and the only friends I made were two girls named Bridgette and Gwen, who practically forced me to become their friends even after I wrote to them, telling them that I was going to talk to them when I felt comfortable enough, which they didn't care for, they accepted that I was a mute when they first met me. The two girls eventually transferred schools since Brookley was a school for pre-k students and ended with 8th graders. I was left alone again. I only talked to my grandmother and George, I figured if I was going to talk to somebody it would be them considering how comfortable around them.
...
16 Years Old
I heard my grandmother calling my name from downstairs. She was getting old by the second. I sobbed a little when she kissed my cheek and told me she loved me, "Courtney, you are a brilliant girl, who deserves nothing but happiness and you can only be happy if you allow yourself to." After the pressure that she was putting onto my hand was eased, my aunt came in and called the ambulance. At the funeral not too many people was there, my family wasn't really the best of friends so the only people who joined was me, my aunt, her boyfriend, and officer George who was there to support me. I didn't cry, I knew that when you go to a funeral you were supposed to cry but to me, the people I really cared about were always leaving me and I was numb to the emotions. First my grandfather, then my parents, and now my grandmother.

I didn't talk to my aunt when she told me that I would be living with her and her boyfriend, even when she told me we would become best friends, I didn't respond to anything she said to me. I just stared into space.

17 years old
We moved back to Ontario Canada after my birthday, my aunt wanted to celebrate my big ONE SEVEN but I just stayed in my room all day with the door locked. She brought cake for me so I opened the door and saw the two couples smiling at me, with a lit up birthday cake, I blew out the candles after they told me to make a wish and closed the door behind me, I laid on my bed until I fell asleep.

"I wish I could start all over."