The REALM OF CRITIQUES

G.A.L.E. Force (Cryptic's Choice)

Author -- Perci_Snickedy

First and foremost, welcome to Cryptic Critiques. You're our first victim... I mean critique. We commend you for your bravery. Shall we get started?

Cover:

 Well, it's clearly a simple cover design. I could say I wish there were more to it, but there's nothing wrong with simple covers. It's a personal choice. Your cover, for those that prefer simple, is great.

Blurb:

 Well done, even masterful. I want to tear it apart and show the world how brutal The Cryptic can be, but you've done great, therefore ruining my fun. You were clear and concise with your plot points without giving away every detail. You showed the basics of the conflict, and you introduced your main characters. There was nothing grammatically wrong with it either. Don't mess with perfection, right? I hope your first chapter isn't this good. It would be awful to give a Cryptic ribbon to our first victim. I mean, what kind of precedent does that set?

First Chapter:

Okay, you need to get into the action faster. Blah, blah, blah... Why are you asking for a critique? This is flipping wonderful work. My above comment, as I'm sure you know, is a joke. The way you wasted no time getting into the meat of your story was great. No info dump, no wasted words, nothing for me to yell at you for. Your physical descriptions didn't feel forced at all, which is fantastic. I enjoyed the mix of internal dialogue and outward expressions. There were a lot of them, bit it helped to keep me connected to Lawrence and feel for his situation. You did make the unnamed superwomen speak without contractions, but I assume you wanted her to sound a bit robotic, considering her obvious inhuman treatment.

Now, after painfully scraping through this with nothing more than a spoon we did find two small bits that need correction.

- In Paragraph six you could, and should, delete the word behind. The sentence doesn't read well as currently constructed.

- "...she said in a monotone." Monotone what? Voice perhaps?

That's all we got. You've started your work in a great way, and we're sure you'll keep any readers that come upon your book. We planned on being stingy with the badge, so thanks for making us look all sweet and cuddly. PM us your email and we'll send you the badge. Your work is deserving of it.