The REALM OF CRITIQUES

The Serial Killer in Me

Name: Miz_gold

Cover:  Excellent cover. Very professional and eye catching. The lettering is clear, the image pops, and it nabs a scrolling potential reader's attention. 

Blurb:

Can you love a serial killer?

No? Why not? How would you know they were a serial killer? It could be your neighbor. It could be your friend. It could be your lover. Do you actually know the people around you? Their past? Not some... but all of it? Well, I'm here to tell you... not everyone is who you think they are. And a smile can conceal a lot of secrets. Come and delve into the life of one of America's most prolific serial killers. Learn how he finds his victims. Know what transpires between the time he meets them... and the time he kills them. Find out why they call him... "The Midnight Killer".

This structure is a little drawn out. Your blurb is an intro to the story, this is structured like a poem. The opening line is great and presents a great hook. However, you give away your plot in what follows. Keep the mystery! Cutting this blurb off right after the 'smile can conceal a lot of secrets' gives the reader mystery, tension, and a hint of horror to lure them in. 

This blurb also flips between addressing the audience in second person and refers to the character in third person. The story is written in first person. Take advantage of that. Is the killer mocking the audience with this blurb? How would they know who is a killer and who isn't in the light of day? Keep us inside the character's head.

Prologue: 

There was a lot of elements that worked for this opening and some that didn't. The length of this scene is perfect, and it does succeed in building tension for the reader. It could use some editing.  The repetitiveness of some of the wording did not bother me because the character is presented as a poorly educated teenager so the slang and simplicity of the language worked for most of it but  some sentences were confusing through their structure. A few grammatical fixes will help the flow. 

The simple language  fits this character well but keep that tone. 'The dumpster was converted to my refuge' line actually throws us out of the character, where a simple 'I hid behind the dumpster' works just fine. You can further pull the reader into the tension of the moment with sensory detail, for ex: smells, sights, and touch. 

Quotes are fine, but ending the chapter on one is jarring. Especially when you start with a quote from the same guy. Spread them out. Let the tension and mystery of the prologue pull your reader into the next chapter.