The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Dracula's Tempestuous Bride

Name: sassyroe 

Cover: The cover is on point for tone. It definitely fits the vampire genre: straight forward, clear cut, romantic imagery. The author's name is slightly washed out due to the white flare on one half of the cover but still visible. 

Blurb: Count Dracula wakes up after 2000 years and the only thing he wants, desires and yearns for is to find her and make her his ;the woman he had been promised through years and years of prophecy. Yet this elf princess who captured his soul by just breathing comes with a lot of baggage in the form of curses and a destiny given mission to kill him.

Erinna is the most powerful elf to have ever been born and stands by her duty. She doesn't care for fabled prophecies making her mate to the most evil tyrant to ever walk the earth which does not make sense in itself since a union between a vampire and elf will result in a curse that would wipe out both races. The only prophecy she believed was the one that said she'd kill him.What are these two going to do especially when Dracula hungers and yearns for Erinna with a desire bordering on insanity? Will she be able to fight the uncontrollable attraction and bond she has with him and not succumb to her darkest desires

This blurb runs a little long. It rehashes the same sentiment in the first two paragraphs, repeating the destiny of Mate or Die.  Your hook is in the final paragraph. It is a push and pull of destiny and duty. That is the focus. The first two paragraphs could be cut down to one sentence a piece. Present each of their circumstances in a single line, then tie it together with the conflicting romance. 

First Chapter/ Prologue: The prologue gives the reader a pretty good idea of what kind of version of Vlad they will be dealing with however it is hindered by head hopping. Choose which perspective works better for this scene and ramp up the sensory detail. If you go with Vlad's perspective, play up the pain of his body coming to life, play up the violent and uncontrollable hunger of the moment, the fear on his unsuspecting guard's face. Does fear give off a scent? Does the fear excite him? 

You could also tell this entire scene from Toby's perspective, concentrating on the fear and disbelief he experiences in his final moments. His brain will still be functioning as he is being drained. What is he feeling? Is he full of anger at being denied his promised immortality for his duty? Reduced to being a morning snack to the long immobilized Vlad? What a crappy break! There is even a chance to inject a bit of dark humor into this scene if you tell it from the guard's perspective. 

As a rule you want to avoid such a rapid shift in perspective. It can confuse your readers and it muddies the emotions and personality of the characters. If you are about to switch perspectives, create a clean scene break or a new chapter. This helps you focus on creating separate character mentalities and clear emotional struggles that can really enrich a forbidden romance tale.