The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Who Am I?

Username -- AneekaMahfooz

Cover:

The cover is beautiful and eye catching, the title is very clear but some of the text does fade into the elements of the cover. 

Blurb: 

'Leave a legacy, not a burden' that is the motto Annie Khan lives by, she believes there was a reason behind her existence. That, she was alive to achieve a greater purpose. And, the torturous hours of drill sessions and combat training, she endured due to her Father's orders, were all for a higher cause.

Annie meets a boy, whose one-fifth of the biggest boyband alive. She is offered the role of mentoring Iron Fist, and she accepts. Unexpectedly, she finds herself part of a duel, with her boss' boss.Awkward much?He wants complete submission, and the peculiar desire to make Annie a puppet. His puppet.Annie, on the other hand, fights on a daily basis for self-control, free will and utter freedom. Annie has her own set of secrets, and desperately wants them to remain so.What will happen when two worlds collide? Does good still conquer evil? Or was that in the fantasy world?

_

This blurb starts out very strong, with a tagline that catches the readers attention, however it loses itself in too many details and not enough focus. Your true lead seems to be 'Annie is offered to mentor Iron Fist' if that is the He who wants complete submission. Or is the He the boss's boss? There is some confusion there. The sentences don't quite connect to one another. If this is the first book in a series, concentrate on the main aspect/ theme of the story and build the blurb around it. 

First Chapter:

On the matter of format. You could move your note about typing errors and phrases to your disclaimer. With three introductory chapters ahead of chapter 1, including that disclaimer, you don't really need another note before they get immersed into your story. You could even move your 'About Me' chapter to the back of the story. Interested readers still read it no matter what it lies. 

Onto the chapter itself. Your note aside, this chapter could benefit from another once over edit. When you go back in, there are a lot of extra commas, misplaced punctuation marks, and some tense confusion. 

From a reading standpoint, this first chapter didn't really hit its stride until about halfway through. Unless the encounter with the retriever becomes relevant to the plot, it is very tangential here and detracts from the action of her roof jumping and the encounter with Rif Raf. Those two elements are at the heart of this chapter but don't come until the second half. There is also no real build up for the encounter with Rif Raf. The initial mention of the aunt in the opening paragraphs doesn't set up her actual attitude towards Annie. The feelings of being a burden make it appear they are singularly the character's insecurities rather than a combination of insecurity and this spewed vitriol from the aunt. 

The end of the chapter does have a good hook to keep the reader going but it would have a bit more of a punch if the chapter focused more on the family relationship (between Annie and her father vs Annie and her aunt) and less on the missed opportunity of dog romance.  There are some great elements introduced into this chapter that could really shine through with some polishing.