Author: @MisterPeregrine
Cover:
The cover is lovely. It is something I would certainly pick up. I like that the cover is already telling me a story.
Blurb:
The blurb has a lot of potential, but it needs a wee bit of work. With some editing, it will be fabulous (it is already pretty interesting, some 'fine tuning' will make your reader dive right into the first page).
Prologue:
'The moonlight, desperately peeking through my windows, was blocked by the nearby apartment.' You are contradicting yourself here. Perhaps you wanted to say that the moonlight was TRYING to peek into the windows?
The first paragraph has me wondering if I want to continue or not. I find it very odd someone would be using echolocation unless your character is blind and has been taught echolocation ( I doubt it would be something they would simply pick up in science class) then the whole echolocation bit seems redundant and odd.
In the next paragraph, you state that (in regards to echolocation) 'that would be impossible, especially for a mere child like me'. So, right off the bat you have contradicted your words and confused my brain (I'm struggling, and I'm only on the second paragraph). If you are to use the echolocation bit (I am not saying you should not but...) please back it up! Make sure your reader understands how this mere child can do something so complex. Add some detail. Like I said before, back things up and it will become clearer to your reader.
Grammar is a bit of an issue ( it is fixable with work) but at the moment it takes away from your story by distracting me.
There are times when you do some telling when you should be showing ('My brother looks nice at least for me, but he was nothing like the boys I see in the television.', '...despite having a beautiful sister like me.') I can't picture what these siblings look like.
The connection she has with the magpie is sweet. When you introduce the bird your story picks up a bit.
All in all, you should a) take a look at your grammar b) fix the telling vs showing c) make the flow of the story smoother.
Good luck, darkling!
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RandomA reader's first impression is everything. This is your destination for basic critiques to help you find and keep an audience. A member of The Cryptic's High Council will offer their perspective on your cover, blurb and first chapter, including ove...
