The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Midnight

Name: cross-warrior

Cover: Image wise, this is an excellent choice for a dark fairy tale. The image is nice and eye catching, though the author's name and title do get washed out against the background. The white font gets swallowed by the bright highlights of the water. A different color choice or font could help the words stand out.

Blurb: 

Everyone knows the story of Cinderella. The girl who rose from rags to riches with the help of her fairy godmother and lived happily ever after. When the final bell tolled for her, she came out a princess.

However, this isn't her story. This is the story of Ashlin Crest. She had only been one step away before everything went wrong. Her legs turned into fins, and her fiance was stolen right before her eyes by pirates. Determined to keep her happy ending, Ash was quick to chase, but as one lone girl against the fury of the sea, she stood no chance. 

  Until she came upon the Midnight pirates. This rowdy band of misfits may be an enemy of her kingdom, but they proved to be her only chance at reclaiming her lost love. But even with them, problems continue to arise from the mermaid curse placed upon her to the hotheaded crew member who refuses to let her think love at first sight will ever lead to a happily ever after.

Changes were occurring - both within her and in the world around her. There were only two choices before her: fight on as the woman people saw her as or be swallowed by the raging sea.

Cinderella is a well referenced fairy tale but everything that follows after that opening statement matches a completely different fairy tale. This looks like a riff on the Little Mermaid and tossing Cinderella at the reader will give them an entirely different set of expectations. It is okay to riff on multiple fairy tales but if you are doing that, don't narrow down the reader's focus to one in particular. 

Other than that, it looks like a fun and intriguing premise. You could tighten and shorten this blurb. Truthfully, you could toss out the third paragraph completely. This is material you will cover in the story itself, the story tags already mention pirates and that paragraph is repetitive when it's followed by that excellent fourth paragraph. 

Prologue: After reading the opening prologue, I do see why you reference Cinderella in your blurb. I think generalizing it to the audience would still benefit you. 'Everybody knows the fairy tales and their happy endings' kind of thing. 

On the writing, there were a few places where the verb tenses wavered between passive first person and third person. Some of the sentences could use restructuring for clarity and flow, however there is a wonderful misdirection around the figure of the fairy godmother. The emotional flip she performs for the reader is fantastic and really sets them up for what kind of tale this is going to be. Editing this opener for grammar will continue to strengthen the writing. The length is perfect. Prologues are meant to be shorter snap chat scenes to pull the reader into the story and this prologue does that well. 

I will say, the author's note at the end of the chapter is long. Considering you already have an author's note right before this chapter, it pulls the reader out of the story. While one of the beauties of Wattpad is the conversation between author and audience, they can also be really distracting when clustered together.