Author: Wolfgirl016
Cover: It doesn't look like a book cover. It's more of an image, a blurry image, with words over it. Why don't you have an author's name included? Most professional level book covers include the author's info.
Blurb:
Explaining the conditions of the world and then stating that she does not have to endure them means they are not part of her world. The premise, at least in how it's currently worded, is disconnected and jarring. You also have some grammatical flops and a last sentence that needs adjusted.
Prologue:
You use the word "stall" three times in a twenty word span. This is redundant. It demonstrates a lack of vocabulary and will turn readers away, especially if you do it often.
You don't have to tell your audience "the young girl named Ellike." Her father gave that information in the previous paragraph.
Your P.O.V. is unclear. At one point you mention what Ellike is seeing, and in the next paragraph you describe what her father knows. You have to stay in one P.O.V if you're writing in third-limited, and if you thought this was omniscient then it's worth noting that good omniscient doesn't switch from paragraph to paragraph. It's only done when there is a real purpose, and it must be carefully crafted to not be confusing.
Typo: roof titles should be roof tiles.
YOU ARE READING
The REALM OF CRITIQUES
RandomA reader's first impression is everything. This is your destination for basic critiques to help you find and keep an audience. A member of The Cryptic's High Council will offer their perspective on your cover, blurb and first chapter, including ove...
