The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Masked and Dangerous

Author: moonpizzapie

Cover:
The first bit of advice I thought of was in regard to the white border. I'm not a fan, not at all. Another issue is the text blending into the image. The white lettering is too close to the woman's pale skin tone. If this were my cover I'd consider using a blood red for the text, perhaps even having them drip on the face.

Blurb:
This blurb isn't compelling, not to me anyway. The Howard Zinn quote feels unnecessary, and listing your ranking could be done at the end so readers can get to the blurb sooner. The content is far too vague, and grammatical errors are a bad sign.

First Chapter:
First and foremost, let me just say that's it's obvious your first language isn't English. I'm going to tell you what needs to be fixed, but the majority of your flaws are related to the language barrier, so don't feel like I'm coming down on you hard. Tense is often an issue for non-native speakers, and you most definitely slip tenses. You also use quite a few unnecessary words that bog down sentence flow. You repeat words often, which demonstrates a lack of vocabulary. For example, you don't have to describe something as "moleskin" more than once. Saying it one time is all the reader needs. Also, to help you see what I mean, look at paragraph six. Count how many times you say window.