Hybrid

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Author: KatrinePaul


Covers: The cover is nice and simple. The words are easy to read. The photo you use is clear as can be. Great job!


Blurb: Love, laughter, the people around you that you care for and feel the same bring you happiness.

Hate and segregation do the opposite. He lived with that everyday from monsters. The ones who made him feel unwanted. Those who saw him as different- a freak. Without those people he cared for he would have let himself go and sunk into that dark abyss of loneliness and bitterness long ago. His soul would be dark and empty. He loved living life to the full. Being happy with those he loved. Dark, malicious, greedy eyes looked down at him. This man, no creature had ripped and was about to tear away everything he cared about. And now he wanted his soul too. How covetous could one being be?


The first sentence in the blurb doesn't make much sense. You said, "that you care for and feel the same bring you happiness." What do you mean by feel the same? What feels the same?

"The ones who made him feel unwanted. Those who saw him as different- a freak." You could say, "The ones who made him feel unwanted and the ones who saw him as a freak. "Different" can be eliminated.

"He loved living life to the full." You could say fullest. Or else he's living to the full what?

"This man, no creature had ripped and was about to tear away everything he cared about." Try, "This man who," Remove "And" Try adding something other than ripped. Torn, clawed, etc

"And now he wanted his soul too." Who wanted his soul? Some people will ask that. Be specific so the readers don't get confused.


First Chapter: There's a lot of conversation and dialogue going on, but there's not so much description. Also, you don't have to space out every sentence. It's a little too much. 

Try working more on stuff going in between the character's conversations because at some points I feel like I'm reading text messages between people. There's just not much, excitement. But no worries, you can work on that! It's a good book and there are not too much grammar mistakes in the first chapter, but just add more scenery and imaginations.

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