The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Astrape

Name: fUZZI_lin

Cover: This is a decent simple cover, but the text is hard to read, particularly the subtitle and the color blends right in with the lightning strike and makes it hard to see. The lightning strike image does fit well with the tagline on the cover. 

Blurb:❝The world holds so many secrets.❞

Upotia had kept its Humans from ever knowing the powerful Dragons and their Riders and the influence they held over the land. To the Humans, it was like the Dragons and Dragon Riders never existed.

❝You are related to more things than you think.❞

Zea Sarwyght has never known her parents or what lay beyond the borders of her home. Zea never knew why a blue stone ambushed her that fateful night, and even more bizarre, why a Dragon had hatched for her.

❝Some legacies aren't meant to be lost.❞

To Pelbatia, Zea was a dangerous enemy to her position as the dictator Queen of LasVegaesia. But in the eyes of Upotia's rebel archnemesis, Zea was their harbinger. The One to free LasVegaesia from a millennia of Upotia's control.

❝A storm is brewing.❞

There is a lot going on in this blurb. Considering it is epic fantasy, with several interweaving plot lines, this blurb reads more like a book jacket. For the scrolling reader, it might be too much. Remember the purpose of the blurb is to catch a reader's attention in a couple sentences. You could put all of this into opening descriptions you have for the book. For the blurb, try to cut it down to a short concise paragraph. Use the broad overall scope of the story. Think of this as practice for down the road when you starting writing queries. Editors and agents will want you to describe you entire book in one paragraph. 

First Chapter: This chapter had decent pacing,  action, and has a fantastic cliffhanger of a hook at the end. From an editorial standpoint, that pacing is hindered by purple prose, misused words, and grammatical hiccups. Remember, short, sharp sentences are good for action moments. A solid proofread and edit of this chapter with help strengthen the storytelling. To use a metaphor, it needs some hedge trimming. Trim unnecessary adjectives where possible to help sharpen the tone and impact of the scene.