The REALM OF CRITIQUES

LUCY

Author: nihilistisch

Cover:

It's a striking cover, in a subtle way, and the grainy filter gives it a nice old feel to it, like an old classic sci-fi cover. So that's working well for it. Perhaps the 'know thy...' text could be a little clearer/larger, along with the author name. The title is interesting, as it doesn't sound very sci-fi-y, but even that can be a good thing and make a reader want to learn more.

Blurb:

It works well to set up a little of the story and the tone, but generally it feels a little lacking. There could be a bit more given to us to explain what this world is like and what kind of story we'll be getting into. To say a name like Eternal Blue complex and not give any context doesn't tell a reader much. 'Locked in something far more forbidding' - I'm not sure if 'forbidding' is the right word here, and we could also get a little bit more about what troubles he's in. Without giving away all the good bits and surprises, there's still a way of explaining things in a blurb to give us an understanding of what to expect. Why does someone want to hack off his head? What perilous trials does he have? And how does waging a war give him peace? It's good to have questions left, but a little more detail would be better than leaving a lot out. It does sound like an interesting story though.

Chapter:

The media page is a nice touch, giving a look at alternate covers and a music playlist. These days there can be a lot of other media involved in a novel. Some may not be interested in them but it can be effective for those who like that kind of thing.

Overall the first chapter is well written and engaging. It starts with an interesting and tense scene and builds up the dread until the bloody end.

The Page was a very interesting and creepy character. I got a fair good impression of her but we could get a little more physical description to help us. Like mentioning her long black dress catching on the murky water, or her thin frame or long limbs by her side. Is she more of a ghost/demon or a bit more human than that? It could be nice if she spoke in a very different and distinct way, to separate her more from the other characters.

It would be good to be clear from the start who's perspective we're in, as it jumped from the boys to the Page a little. The wasn't sure what the line 'Because soon, it would be her turn' fully meant, as it didn't seem that clear. It's one of those lines that sound good but doesn't really tell a reader that much, and perhaps just needs to be reworded or expanded upon slightly. We could get a bit more scene setting in the opening paragraphs, a descriptive word or two thrown in, to help paint a picture.

The explanation of her background, 'once a scientist in their government' feels like it comes a little early and not entirely necessarily. It can be good to tease her origins a bit, but not fully give it to the reader like that. Better to keep her more of a mystery and built up her powerful creepy presence. It's like mentioning that Darth Vader was once a farm boy in the opening chapter of Star Wars.

Generally it worked well, and definitely is enough to make a reader want to continue. Just a little more descriptions thrown in would be nice, to help clarify the world and the images we're seeing. A strong start.

Best of luck with the story!