The Perfect Sin (Camren)

Ch 11-Fuck You

"You could have told me," Camila said

We were both sitting on a two person swing set that lived in my backyard. I can't remember when was the last time I sat here but after tonight's events, I was in desperate need for some fresh air.

"I thought that's what we did, you know? Tell each other our secrets," Camila pressed

Dad is with Tio Angel at the hospital, turns out Javier broke his nose. I talked my cousin into going home after I assured him that I would be okay. It took a while but I managed to convince him after I promised I'd give him a call if I needed a place to stay. In other words, if my uncle gets invited back into our home.

"I wouldn't have judged you," she continued. "I thought we had gotten pretty close"

Camila followed me outside after Javi left, and I haven't said a word since. Though, she is clearly having a hard time understanding that I don't want to talk at the moment. I know that I'll have to eventually but I thought I'd take this opportunity to come outside and get my thoughts together after everything that happened. To be honest, if anyone else would have followed me outside I would have run them off by now but I couldn't just tell Camila to go away. But this didn't mean I was ready to spill my guts out to her either.

I have never been good at talking about my feelings, and that is what she's going to want me to do so I need to be honest with her.

"We tell secrets the other wants to hear," I say without making eye contact.

I was far too focused on how beautiful and bright the moon looked tonight. Full and white and the only bright thing in my life tonight, or so it feels like.

"I'm not sure what you mean," she said.

All I offered her was a shrug before elaborating "We don't share real secrets" I say "Only stupid shit like pranks that I did to my siblings when I was younger but nothing real"

My eyes finally focused on her before speaking up again "If we did I just might've told you about it, or maybe you would have talked to me about why your dad left or why you stare at me when you think I'm not paying attention"

Camila's face dropped, her eyes falling to the ground.

"But you don't share stuff like that," I shrugged "And neither do I"

Even as the words fell out of my mouth they were just now starting to sink in. It was a truth that neither one of us wanted to deal with.

A silence fell upon us but it wasn't as calming as it normally is between us. It felt thick as if all of the words we were too afraid to say were floating in the air around us making it difficult to breathe. Maybe that's why my chest feels so tight.

We were both realizing we are not as close or as important as we thought one another to be.

After a few seconds, Camila released a sigh and I could feel her eyes on the side of my face.

"Why?" she asked

Genuinely, I believed that I had shot her down hard enough for her to drop the conversation but I was clearly mistaken

"Why, what?" I spat, meeting her eyes.

I knew I was being harder on her than I usually am, and maybe she wasn't used to it, and maybe I'd regret it tomorrow but after tonight's events, I can't seem to think straight.

A part of me understands what she's trying to do but I wonder if she realizes what happened tonight? Because a situation that I have been keeping a secret since I was seven years old was just announced to far more people than I ever wanted to know.