The Perfect Sin (Camren)

Ch 20.5-I'm Sick

Camila's POV


"You should go up there," Serenity said

I turn to the hazel eyed blonde who is passively rubbing her hand on my back. It's making me increasingly uncomfortable but after a few seconds, my tense shoulders seem to relax. Her name fits her personality so much that it appears to be contagious and I can almost feel myself being swayed by her kindness.  

My eyes look up to the altar where almost every other teenager at the camp is piled up, each of them in tears, with their hands in the air and worship music blasting through the speakers.

"Everyone here loves you, Camila," she says peacefully "We only want what's best for you"

Maybe she's right, I think, I mean these are all Christian folk what's the worst thing they could do to me?

Still, I told myself earlier that the only way I would go up there would be if they speak specifically to my situation and I intended to keep that promise to myself.

"I'm okay here," I tell her

She smiles, not a happy smile but one that displays pity. Like she has a higher understanding of life that I simply can't comprehend

"Are you really okay?" She asks sympathetically "With everything?"

I could barely hear her over the loud music but I couldn't help but get the feeling that she's speaking to me as if she knows something about me that I haven't told her. 

Her hand stays on my back while the other holds on to my hand

"Y'know Mila" she begins

Why is she calling me that?

"When I was 10, my father left too"

There it is, I froze. How does she know that?

Before I knew it the pastor on the altar was making a calling for teenagers with missing fathers and when I looked at Serenity she smiled proudly and tells me that God works in mysterious ways and wants to heal me from those wounds. 

I'm hesitant but she tells me that God spoke to her and that it's clear he's said the same to the man on the altar, because what are the odds, right? 

So, I go up to the altar. 

"God is telling me," the pastor continues "That there are doubters here tonight, but your doubts end here and now" 

I don't know who's beside me but people seem to have little concern with personal space. 

My hands are soon being held by two people whom I've never seen before 

"Because He sees your pain" he continues "And He is your heavenly father" 

His voice cracks "And He is telling me to say this to you on behalf of the dad that wasn't there" 

My eyes look up and I see tears streaming down his face, for a split second our eyes meet before he says 

"I'm sorry,"  

A knot appears on my throat and I'm not sure who is holding on to me but the grip on my hand tightens 

"I'm sorry for leaving," he says

He continues to speak and I think of Lauren. 

What if she's wrong? 

I said to myself, I wouldn't engage unless they talked about my situation and here he is, apologizing for every birthday missed, every recital, every cut he wasn't there to help heal. Apologizing with the words I know I'll never hear from my real father but it's still healing to hear from. 

What if God heard me? And told the pastor to do this? 

I feel a someone place a tissue in my hand and it's not until then that I realize I'm crying because what if she's wrong? What if God heard me? 

__ 

"You are brave for coming to get help," she said 

Pastor Avery has a bit of a different approach than Dr. Hernandez and I think I like it better.