phil
it's been four days since dan apologised to me, and i'm surprised that he's actually doing what he promised. he's no longer hanging out with those people, and i literally had to hold him back before he punched abel straight in the nose yesterday.
it's actually quite nice, now that dan isn't behaving like an asshole, and although a few days ago i wanted to do everything in my will to leave this camp, now, i just wish i could stay here longer.
our nights have been spent in nonsensical talks about anything and everything, sneaking out into the forest at night just for a walk and blasting loud music whenever we felt that the energy in us is buzzing too much.
dinners were mostly the giant stock of cup noodles, and lunches were spent in bad jokes and uncensored laughs.
right now, i am at the river crossing again, because apparently they can repeat activities whenever they want, and a warm flush is travelling to my cheeks when dan starts yelling encouraging words.
"yes come on phil! you can do this just hold the ropes tighter!" i turn my head slightly to look at him, and he just gives me a huge goofy grin, his dimples on full show as his overgrown curly hair overtake most of his forehead. god, he's the biggest idiot.
we have grown much more comfortable around each other as well.
dan has stopped using my sexuality against me, holding my hand occasionally when we're walking back to the tent or simply crawling into my blanket when he's feeling too cold. to me, it's anything but platonic, but i don't want to break the news to dan incase he suddenly spazzes and ruins everything.
and even though, all of this is great and i am looking forward to more of this camp, i'm still pathetically dreading the bonfire night that is bound to take place tonight.
i know for a fact that dan wouldn't be an asshole to me just because we're around other people, but i can only hope that he doesn't abandon me in this mess and goes on, trying to make new friends.
the thought of eating lunch alone at a table of four is haunting me like it has never before, and i know that i'm being over dramatic, but i just don't want dan to run off into a set of different people like he did previously.
"hey philly, what are you thinking?" dan swings his arm around my shoulder as we walk back to the tents, as the coaches set up everything for the bonfire. i just smile at him half heartedly before shaking my head, and wrapping my arms around myself.
we have a lot of spare time now, till the bonfire has to happen and i know if i'm left alone with these depressing and over analytic thoughts for too long, i'm going to either cry or go crazy.
"come on, tell me, you look," he chooses his words carefully. "deeply in thought,"
"i am," i laugh, and by the way dan furrows his eyebrows and stops in his tracks, i know that he can sense that it's not out of humour.
"hey what's wrong? did i do something again?" he scratches the back of his head and i turn to face him with a confused expression.
"no, no, you didn't, i just, ugh," i bury my face in my hands before sighing out loud. "i'm just being pathetic,"
"no you're not, you can tell me what's wrong, i can help," he takes a few steps forwards so he's standing in front of me, his lean figure barely towering mine.
"i don't know, i was just thinking about the bonfire thing tonight," i admit, biting my lip nervously. i don't want to seem like an idiot for worrying over something this stupid, but somehow i have come to trust dan with these things, enough to know that he won't make fun of me.
"what about it?"
"i just, you, i'm afraid you'll, um," i can feel the heat travel to my cheeks again as i struggle to form the correct words, and dan just gives me a comforting smile before stepping closer and wrapping his arms tightly around my waist.
"don't worry, i'm not gonna leave you," he murmurs softly and i can feel the blush darkening, roses of pure embarrassment and fluster blooming on my cheeks as i throw my arms around his neck to pull him closer. "you're gonna have to deal with me all night loser,"
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY LESTER
