phil
"zeke is an asshole," dan comments, interrupting our session of cleaning up after our friends, and i look over to him with furrowed eyebrows. the fire is putting itself out already and it's only two in the morning, i think we'll have to get some more wood.
"and why exactly is that?" i ask him, and he breathes out a deep sigh before grabbing a few cans and popping them in the black trash bag.
"i don't know, he is very forceful with his assumptions," when i look at him with a confused expression, he elaborates. "i mean, we don't give off that much of a gay vibe do we? it's kind of annoying how he's always on our case," he rambles and my chest hurts a little.
"i don't think it's that big of a deal," i shrug, trying not to let the hurt seep into my tone. i'm not sure what i was expecting dan to think about our little dancing moment today but i wasn't expecting him to be annoyed by it. honestly, i don't even mind the way zeke seems to think we are together, at least it helps me to stay in denial that dan and i could be more than friends.
"are you kidding me? he's assuming my sexuality," dan's voice has an undertone of amusement, like he doesn't mean the words, but i can't stop myself from saying the words that follow.
"oh like you did when we started camp?" i am aware my statement is completely unnecessary but these unrequited feelings are a bit too much to handle. i haven't had feelings for anyone in a while now and i wasn't planning on having this kind of commitment towards someone, especially not someone straight.
"why are you coming onto me? i was just kidding," he sounds offended, and when i look at him, he sure enough is standing with an annoyed expression on his face with one of his hands on his hip.
i look away from him and roll my eyes. this is exactly what i hate. these feelings shouldn't be coming in between our friendship, i am not supposed to act like an asshole just because he doesn't like me the way i like him.
"sorry," i mutter and sweep the empty cup noodles into the bag in my hand. he doesn't respond, and we stay in a heavy silence for about ten minutes before dan approaches me, dropping his full bag next to mine.
"we're okay right?" his fingers reach out to touch my arm and i flinch slightly. why do i do this? why do i have to ruin things when everything is going alright?
"yeah of course," i smile at him half heartedly and he looks at me with a small frown on his lips.
"if you say so," he shrugs, and runs his fingers through his hair. "i'm sorry if i said something wrong, i really didn't think you'll still be mad at me for something i said earlier. we weren't friends then, and i acted like an asshole, but i'm still sorry for it," he apologises, his eyes focused on his feet and i instantly feel the pain of unrequited feelings being replaced by guilt.
i really wasn't mad at him because of that, it's just something that slipped my mouth because i was angry. it's not his fault that he's uncomfortable with people thinking we are together, it makes sense. he's straight. he doesn't like boys. he doesn't like me. and he certainly doesn't like the idea of people thinking that we're anything but friends.
it's not his fault.
"it's okay, really," i assure him and he gives me an unconvincing smile, pushing his fringe off his forehead. "i'm gonna go and get some more wood for the fire, it's beginning to dim,"
"i can come along?" he offers.
"if you want to, it's really not necessary for you to come,"
"if you don't want me to accompany you, you can just say it," his cheeks turn pink and he looks away from me, and i scrunch my eyebrows together.
"what? where did that come from?"
"honestly phil, i'm tired of you always getting mad at me for no reason. one minute we are slow dancing and the next you are acting strange because of something i did weeks ago, what the hell is this?" he crosses his arms across his chest and stares at me with raised eyebrows as if he's expecting an explanation.
"why are you making such a big deal out of this? i just said it wasn't necessary for you to come along and get fucking twigs with me, if you want to come, be my guest,"
"it isn't about the fucking twigs. i just don't fucking understand you at all," he rubs his fingers across his forehead.
"what are you on about?" i am lost on what he is mad about. is getting wood with me really that big of a deal?
"what am i on about? you just got mad at me because i called zeke an asshole. what is this about? do you like him or something?" he raises his voice but his eyes leave mine. i like zeke? where could he possible get that in his head?
"what if i do? how does that matter to you?" i nag him further and his lips part just a little before he scowls at me.
"fuck you," he spits and turns on his heel before stomping to the tents.
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get ready for a double updatizzle
