listen im impulsive so im ending this rn i don't care about ur slow burn and dragging it out what am i even saying anyway enjoy
phil
"don't kiss me i'm straight," dan pokes me in the ribs, and i roll my eyes and watch as he nuzzles his face against my neck and grabs my hand to place it on his thigh.
"yeah, as if anything you're doing right now is straight," i run my fingers through his curly hair to fix them into place, they are a bit more unruly than usual but they look adorable on him. to be fair, he could be covered in sewage and i'd still find him attractive—i've discovered it's a problem. the bus smells like shoes and dirt and grass, but dan's raspberry scented shampoo is making things a whole lot better as i bury my nose in his hair.
"are you sniffing my hair?"
"yeah,"
"is that a kink of yours?"
"jesus what is it with you and assuming everything i do is a kink?"
"you're getting defensive," he wiggles his eyebrows. "that means it's a kink,"
"shut up," i slap his thigh lightly and he giggles into my neck, shuffling as close as possible in the cramped bus seats not made for people as tall as us. i pull out my phone and earbuds, pushing one in dan's ear and the other one in mine as i play a sappy playlist that reminds me of him. i'm not telling him i spent twenty minutes in the shower looking through all my songs just to make a playlist that we can listen to on our way back.
"is this your attempt to make me cry again?" dan looks up at me with squinted eyes and i remember the way he looked last night when the realisation of camp ending hit him. he straddled my lap and cried into my shoulder for approximately thirty minutes until his cheeks were flushed and marked with tear tracks and his eyelashes were damp. i had to reassure him for an hour that nothing is going to change once we go back, and how our mums would give anything to make us spend more time together and how i won't stop liking him.
"of course not," i realise i took too long to answer and dan looks at me more suspiciously so i just laugh lightly and plant a soft kiss on his mouth, which makes him blush instantly. how the hell is he so fucking cute?
we don't have a label on us yet, to be fair we never actually discussed labels but i'm fine with it as long as he is. i've been quite busy in the past three days, trying to make up for all the times i couldn't adore him openly and for all the sexual tension.
i don't remember him complaining.
he falls asleep somewhere between love me tender and i run my fingers through his hair again before kissing the top of his head and staring outside, watching patiently as the air slowly mutes down it's freshness into commercial buildings and the scent of cement and how the green trees blur out into grey urbanism.
we don't get the opportunity to stop halfway this time, as we did when we were coming to camp but i wasn't hungry anyway so i don't mind it a lot. i've got a pack of cookies and some crisps incase dan wakes up and demands food like the prince he pretends to be, so i'm in no danger of getting an earful from him. i study the freckles that mark his cheeks and nose and a sudden burst of adoration causes me to reach over and grab his hand to lace our fingers together.
unfortunately dan doesn't wake up until we reach home, he sleeps through the entire playlist and sleeps through all the people yelling occasionally and singing loudly in the back for no reason. he is groggy when he wakes up and he complains about his neck hurting, and then he demands food and when i tell him we're home, his face falls and he pouts all the way to the bus stop where our mums stand with their arms linked as always.
they don't even make an attempt to separate from each other, they just put all their enthusiasm and excitement in their smiles as they watch us approach lethargically, both mine and dan's bag on my shoulders and dan looking at his feet and sulking like a baby.
"are you carrying dan's bag?" dan's mum questions quizzically, obviously aware of our mutual hatred before we went for the camp. i blush and nod, looking over at dan, but he's still staring at his feet. we both hug our mums, and each other's mums, and after an emotional collective speech by both of them about how much they missed us, we make our way to the intersection.
i walk a few steps behind so that i can catch dan alone as our mums blabber away, and i grab his hand gently before pulling him closer to me.
"is everything okay baby?" he just pouts further and looks at me with a morose expression. god he's cute.
"i don't want this," he complains and i throw an arm around his shoulders and begin following our mums again incase they yell.
"i can come over tonight after taking a shower and eating?"
"or you can come over right now," he moves more into me and i ruffle his hair.
"okay how about i go and unpack and then come over,"
"no, right now,"
"dan," i sigh. i know he's not purposely being stubborn, he's just worried i'll stop liking him and i wish i could tell him that's literally impossible.
"fine," he huffs and pushes my arm away, power walking in front of me to piss me off. i just shake my head and follow him.
"see you later dan!" i smile at him brightly, hoping to cheer him up but he just pops up his middle finger and disappears into his house.
"hey mum," i talk to her as she unlocks the door and she nods in encouragement. "can, can we have like lunch at mrs. howell and maybe i could do a sleepover?" i scratch the back of my head awkwardly and my mum looks at me like i've grown horns.
"are you okay? what happened at camp?" she laughs and i can feel my cheeks flush.
"n-nothing," i mumble quietly and she raises her eyebrows at me.
"to answer your question, yes we can do that, you should spend time with dan as much as possible because he's a very nice kid,"
"he literally just flipped me off in front of you," i roll my eyes.
"and you still want to spend more time with him. your point?"
"you're right," i smile lopsidedly. "so i can go?"
"not until you tell me what happened at camp," she nudges me in the shoulder and i shake my head as i climb the stairs to my bedroom.
"sorry mum," i yell. "what happens at camp, stays at camp,"
--
the end
hi im emotional also this is shit but what the hell did u expect leave me alone
