I Will Fear The Night Again

Chapter 13(Color)-

I was never the pretty one.

I wish i got to be good at that one day, but i'm just not.

I mean yes i do get compliments on my eyes...or my kindness.

But i mean I've never been happy with my body, i guess no one ever is, but i hate everything, i hate when people stare at me to long because i feel like they are just noticing all my imperfections, my forehead, the redness of my face and cheeks, my thighs, my short basic brown hair, or even the way i dress.

I hate my style, i never make anything look good on me.

I just look like a 5 year old boy who's mother dressed him at best.

I'm not proud of anything that has to do with me.

My voice sounds raspy and deep,my thighs are fat, my forehead is huge, i'm too short, i have no talents...like none, i can't sing, i'm not smart, and i will never be amazing at an actual sport.

My feelings get hurt way too easily and i'm always emotional, and that could be puberty i guess but I've always had a different view of what's sad or not.

I just feel like really sad,emotional events don't make me cry, i feel like i'm numb from all i have ever felt in the past,i'm numb to emotions a lot of the time and i guess they build up and explode at little,tiny events.

I wish my emotions just stayed and i could have a normal mind,but i guess i don't.

I see words in color, when someone talks, i see art and color, and on blank walls i see paintings and works of beauty.

I'm not sure why, i just feel like every shape and number has its assigned color.And every color has its assigned shape and number.

They all just go together.

That's why sometimes ill burst out with laughter or a huge smile because i notice beautiful paintings that nobody else notices.

(i honestly hate myself right now so yay! Keep reading i guess to the 1 person that is actually reading..ha. Anyways stay safe, and as always...XOXO)-Katey