I Will Fear The Night Again

Chapter 15(Real)-

I don't think he believes me when i told him about Luna because he acted as if everyone has this.

And it's not like that.

This was important.

This is not normal.

If a normal person heard half the stuff she even said to me, they wouldn't be able to handle it.

And it's not like it's easy for me either, but I've gotten used to the name calling, the high pitched screaming, and the suicide threats like,"if u don't end it now,i will only get worst".

I feel terrible repeating those words onto a page and letting out all my "emotions" because i feel like no one will understand that this is me...this is real and it hurts everyday.

I'm numb. 

Some days i feel no emotions at wouldn't it be hard to feel nothing at all.

It's like craving something that you can't have, and some days it just feels never ending.

When i say i feel nothing.

I mean nothing,all the emotions just stop.

Love,happiness,sadness.

I would even trade feeling nothing,for being sad.

I crave to feel even the tiniest bit of anything.But once the numbness is gone,all the feeling comes back and bombards me with hate,violent thoughts, and shakiness.And i know,shakiness isn't a feeling, but my whole body gets the chills and i suddenly can't write,can't hold something,and it starts to get hard for me to breathe.

It's like my lungs are clogged already with air but nothing is going in or coming in or going out.

I think my friend called it a panic attack, or some attack thing.But i don't think so.

I don't want to have something wrong with me where i can't breathe.

That's my worst fear.

(I'm bored help! Anyways i feel like this is getting way more attention the my fan fic...well it is but i love writing and it lets out a lot of stuff i have been holding in all these years, so ya! Keep reading loves... XOXO)-Katey(((( :