I Will Fear The Night Again

Chapter 16(Inspire)-

Now that i think about it more.

Fear leads to anxiety.

I know its sounds cliche or dumb, but it makes sense.People have the most fear or are scared the most,have the worst anxiety.And i'm not saying i have anxiety...well maybe, but i definitely do not have it as bad as some people.

Or at least i think because when i describe this to my parents, they act as if it's casual.

Or normal.

But i don't think it is, when i told my friend...she got all scared and started to tear up because she said she didn't want me to be in pain.

Maybe she's experienced this before because from what i have felt, this is the worst of anything.

It's the feeling in your chest that you cant stop.

To be honest i would rather deal with actual bullies all day because anxiety isn't something you can hit, or defeat.You have to ride out the pain...or at least what i have endured.

Nothing has worked yet but music,and it has to be distracting,meaningful music.

Like something i can sing, or feel to.When the numb days come to me, i try to sing,hum,or listen to as much music as i can because it distracts me and kind of makes me feel.It gives me a safe,reassuring emotion...kinda like rain.

I love the sound,feel,vibe,color the rain gives off.

And i know rain doesn't really have a color but it does in my head, it's a mix of lavender,purple,blue or a red.

Those colors make me safe and believe that today wasn't all that bad and just to keep creating,or writing.Because you never know, someone could be reading this one day, and think...i'm not alone,i'll be better tomorrow because,"The Sun Will Rise, And We Will Try Again".

I know,i know that was cheesy and a Twenty One Pilots reference but it actually inspired me to meet some really great people instead of stay inside and wallow about how i have nothing, because i do.

I have creation.

Humans have the ability to create.

We can create anything.

And my goal in life is get someone,doesn't have to be 100 or even 2.Just one person to read this, and think,wow, i'm going to create something beautiful today because well, it's worth it,i'm worth it to inspire and help others.

A close friend taught me that it's okay to be happy.It's okay to dump everything you have into this something that makes you want to inspire people.

So that's what i'm doing.